Paperboy vs. postman

So the United States Postal Service, with its professionally trained and well-paid crews, decided Winter Storm Nemo was just too much and kept their carriers off the streets. Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. Unless there’s a lot of it, in which case, screw that. We’re not going out there. What are you, nuts?

Meanwhile, the Sun Journal paper carriers were out in cars or on foot getting the day’s news to your doorstep. An estimated one gajillion people wrote me on Saturday to say how impressed they were that their paper had arrived that day. Six of our paper carriers won’t be found until spring, but we’re proud of them.

Appellation frustration

If we’re going to name snow storms after fictional animal characters, such as the cartoon fish that somehow managed to cripple all of New England for a weekend, maybe there ought to be clearer criteria. Go ahead and name your storms, Weather Channel geeks. Just make sure you appropriately name them after animals that cause pain and frustration. You know: Cujo, Old Yella, Winston Churchill (name that movie), Jaws, Jaws II, Jaws III in 3D, Zoltan, Hound of Dracula or that extraterrestrial infested dog from “The Thing,” whatever its name was.

Meanest compliment ever

From a reader: “This might be cruel, but I hope that you don’t make a lot of money from the sale of your books or get stolen by another newspaper with an ‘offer that you can’t refuse.’ I need my Street Talk and the Sunday B Section to get me through.”

What a sweet, sweet, sweet . . .

So long, suckers

In spite of the above appeal, I’m leaving anyway. It’s not a monster book deal or a killer offer from the LA Times. No, I’ve decided to apply for the suddenly vacant Pope position and I think I have a shot. I have the virtue, of course, and the compassion and unflappable kindness. I won’t lie to you, though. I’m in it for the cool hat.

Down and dirty

So, I took my love out for Valentine’s Day. We stayed local – a tour of the downtown, a spin around Bates College, a fast ride past Thorncrag. We had such a good time, I had to hose her down when we got home and then I had to get down and scrub her undercarriage. Now she’ll just sit in the basement until the next sunny day. It’s very sad.

Oh, I also took my bike out.

This may take a while

Since Nemo did its thing, Pine Street in Lewiston has been an interesting place to drive. With the snowbanks crowding the sidewalks, people are walking right down the center of the road because they have to, in contrast to a week earlier when they walked right down the center of the road because they wanted to.

Cotton mouth

I joke around a lot in this space, but I think it’s important that I tell you how much you all . . .

Sorry. Wasted the last of my column space reaching for that bottle of water. Hot in here.