The hook

NASA wants to grab a small asteroid and tow it into orbit around the moon as part of a long-range plan to establish manned outposts in space. You know how this goes. They’ll be promised that the tow truck will arrive within an hour, but of course it will be more like two hours. Someone will have to stand there out in space because the tow driver won’t touch the asteroid unless the owner is present. These things are always a hassle, but God bless AAA, huh?

Dylan!

How does it feeeeel? It feels, thanks for asking. And speaking of Dylan, we’ve had quite a run of celebrities around here. Dempsey, Stroud, a bunch of other guys I’m completely blanking on at the moment. I mean, if this keeps up, we ought to get one of those Walks of Fame out there on Lisbon Street. Just don’t make the stars out of copper and they won’t get chiseled up on the very first night.

John Densmore!

That’s the guy I was forgetting. Drummer for The Doors, you know, and he was in Scarborough on Saturday to sign autographs and such. I was going to head over, but I figured I’d make a fool of myself. “Did you ever smell Jim? I bet he smelled like berries. Did you ever touch his hair?”

Yeah, that would just embarrass everybody.

Hermit lives in woods for 27 years

I admit it, that’s pretty incredible. It’s one of those once-in-a-lifetime stories and it completely passed me by. Stupid Rome. Why couldn’t it be located in Androscoggin County? But, hey, there’s still time. I’ll bet we have true woods people right here in the Greater Lewiston-Auburn area. If you’re one of them, I implore you: Jump on Facebook and send me a message. Drop me a text or email me your Google Earth coordinates. I’ll come over to your place and we can watch something on Netflix while talking about your journey.

Spring things

Thought I saw the first nude of the season Thursday afternoon in the woods behind Tall Pines. But nope. It was just a log.

Life after Google

Actually, no. It would be the other way around. Google has launched a program that lets you decide what happens to your personal data after you die, probably as a result of some embarrassing mishap in your bathroom. It’s a nice option to have and it allows you to take a mature approach to your own demise. It would be super helpful if that program could also sneak into your house in the middle of the night and delete the contents of that secret folder on your hard drive. You know the folder I mean, deviant. And throw out those magazines you keep in your sock drawer, while you’re at it. You don’t need those anymore, you’re dead.

Mama’s Cabaret

I’m not one to brag. I’m more of a boaster. And on Thursday, I got a sneak peak of this exciting new club on Park Street in Lewiston and, while doing so, I saw Mama herself out of costume. It was a special moment for each of us. But mostly for me.

Don’t unfriend me, bro

Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg seems to be getting into politics these days. That’ll freshen things up around here, boy howdy. New bills announced in the form of memes featuring cute cats, ugly cats, sketches of elegant people using filthy language, Willie Wonka or the Dos Equis most interesting man in the world guy. Vote for your favorite candidate with a thumb’s up or, if you’re really excited, a poke. Plus, we’ll always know what our elected officials are having for dinner (with photos!), how much they love their kids (with photos!), where and when we can buy Scentsy from them, and what they think about the current weather. Welcome, people, to Facebookopia.