When child abuse is reported, parents often feel as if they are on a roller coaster of emotions. These are all very normal feelings, though they may affect a caregiver in many different ways.

Many times the first reaction may be disbelief, or the inability to accept the possibility that this really happened. Or, a caregiver may believe something happened but no harm was done. Many caregivers feel denial because it is very overwhelming to accept that the abuse occurred and that there will be after-effects.

At times caregivers feel angry at themselves for not protecting the child. They may feel angry at the perpetrator for what he/she did. They may even feel angry at or blame the child. Or, caregivers may feel that it is all their fault. But, it is the offender who is responsible, not the caregiver.

Helplessness is another emotion that caregivers may experience. They may not know what is going to happen and feel that they have no control over the process or the outcome. They may also feel invisible and think there is nothing they can do to help the situation get better.

Caregivers can also experience guilt, self-blame, hurt and betrayal.

It is normal for caregivers to feel hurt from the loss of the child’s innocence or hurt because their child is hurting. In some cases the perpetrator may be the caregiver’s spouse or partner, and the caregiver experiences overwhelming betrayal.

If a caregiver has their own history of being abused as a child, they may feel shock, numbness and even repulsion. It may be so difficult for that person to see their child in a situation that triggers their own memories and feelings.

In recent years, research on the psychosocial adjustment following a sexual abuse incident demonstrates that parental support is associated with better emotional and behavioral adjustment outcomes for children. While many non-offending caregivers respond to their child in a supportive manner following a disclosure of abuse, this support can be inconsistent or be somewhat hesitant based upon the level of distress the parent is also experiencing due to the disclosure.

Offering assistance and support greatly improves the intervention efforts of the parent or non-offending caregiver. At the Androscoggin Children’s Advocacy Center (ACAC), the Family Advocate Program provides these services for non-offending caregivers of children in cases where sexual abuse or severe physical abuse has been substantiated.

The ACAC is a community initiative that provides a safe, child-friendly environment for child abuse investigations, supports a multi-disciplinary process to work with child abuse victims, provides family advocacy for non-offending caregivers, and works with the community to develop and enhance services to child abuse victims and prevention programs.

At the ACAC, the role of the family advocate is to address the needs of the caregiver as a means of providing additional support to the child. This is done in several ways.

First, the family advocate sits with the non-offending caregiver(s) during the forensic interview of the child, offering emotional support. During that time, the family advocate helps family members understand the roles of the different agencies involved in the investigation and on-going process.

In addition, the family advocate is able to discuss with the family the dynamics of child sexual abuse, providing education to the caregiver and others involved with the family. The family advocate also helps identify the strengths and the needs of the family, and assists families in identifying and utilizing and connecting with available resources to help them cope with this new reality.

The family advocate provides information regarding the judicial system and process for those cases that will be moving through the legal system. The family advocate is able to offer support and assistance to the family during that often long judicial process. Finally, the family advocate provides a packet of resource materials that families can turn to for support and guidance.

Last year, the ACAC served 170 children and their families.

We know that children can thrive in spite of their traumas. Children can move beyond their abuse, show extreme resiliency and become stronger individuals. The ultimate goal of family advocacy is to help caregivers, who are often devastated and immobilized, become empowered to protect, nurture, support and guide their children through this journey.

Keri Myrick is coordinator of the Androscoggin Children’s Advocacy Center.

For information about the Androscoggin Children’s Advocacy Center or for resource information for caregivers, call (207) 784-0436 or go to  www.acacme.org