You got engaged a few months ago, and the wedding planning is underway. You’ve set the date, booked the venue and now you’re ready to select the wedding party. You know without a doubt whom you want to be your maid of honor and best man. The rest of your wedding party, well, the choices are not nearly so clear.

Before you do anything, make certain the people you have in mind for your maid of honor and best man are on board. No one is a given until they have been asked and have said yes. You may have only one sister destined to be your maid of honor, but you must ask her first. 

Once your maid of honor and best man have said yes, you can focus on the rest of your wedding party. Draw up a list of the positions you would like to fill and the people you would like to see in them. Be realistic in your assessment. Don’t expect your young, super-shy cousin Megan to be a good candidate for a bridesmaid. That role might better be served by Megan’s older, more outgoing sister Amy. Determine the best people for the jobs and have a backup list just in case. 

When you have a list of potential candidates, it’s time to ask them. That’s right. You need to ask. Don’t assume your nephew will be your ringbearer. You can make a request in any number of ways. You can send out a formal invitation, you can call or stop by, or you can invite everyone over to your home for a little get-together. Fire up the grill, make a spread, announce your wedding date and ask those in attendance to be in your wedding. With small kids, you might want to speak to their parents beforehand.

Be prepared for some declines. Some may say yes, some may hesitate and tell you later, and some may just flat out tell you no. Don’t take it personally. Tell them thanks anyway and take a look at your backup list.

Selecting the right people to be in your wedding takes time. Don’t rush it. Consider all of the options carefully and be prepared for some people to say no.

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