DEAR ABBY: My daughter, the mother of six children, has left her husband and is now involved in a three-way with a man and woman. She has not shielded her kids from these “new friends,” as she calls them. Because I won’t let her “friends” come along, she refuses to visit me.

I love my daughter, but I consider this relationship to be sick, and I hate that she’s exposing her children to these people. Am I wrong to tell her to leave her bedroom activity out of the picture and visit me for just a day without them? We were always very close, but no more. — DISTRESSED MIDWESTERN GRANNY

DEAR DISTRESSED: I’m sure you love your daughter, but sometimes the way we phrase things can get in the way of the message we are trying to convey. Perhaps if you invited her to visit “because you love her and would like to spend some mother-daughter time with her,” it would be perceived as less judgmental and more welcoming.

She may be reluctant to spend time alone with you because she knows it will result in a lecture from you about her lifestyle. Remember, she’s an adult woman and can make decisions about her sex life for herself. While you and I may think it’s unwise for her to expose her children to this triad, that message might be more appropriate coming from THEIR father, rather than HER mother.

DEAR ABBY: For the past few months I have been dating a man I’ll call “Barry.” This is my first relationship in five years and we get along well.

When we first met, I was physically attracted to Barry for many reasons, but in particular because he had a gorgeous beard. A beard is kind of important for me. Some women like tall men, others like long hair. I’m a “beard woman.”

The problem is, Barry has told me I ogle any beard I see (not true). And he now gets annoyed if I look at or compliment HIS beard. A few days ago, he shaved it off.

I care about Barry, but I’m not as attracted to him when he’s clean-shaven. I think he did it as an act of defiance. How can I get him to understand that I don’t ogle every beard I see, and convince him to keep his whiskers without hurting his ego? — FUZZ-LOVING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR FUZZ-LOVING: Barry may have shaved the beard as “an act of defiance” — or not. He may have done it because it was uncomfortably hot or itchy, and he prefers being clean-shaven. My advice is to ask him — in a non-hostile way — why he got rid of it.

Many people think that the person BEHIND a beard is what’s most important. However, if you’re not one of them, because he’s no longer willing to wear one, you may have to look elsewhere for a furry friend.

DEAR ABBY: I am at a loss about what to tell certain friends and family members about my job. I work in the adult industry to put myself through college, and I’m having a hard time finding a lie I can stick to. While I am not ashamed of what I do, I certainly can’t tell my grandfather. This puts me in the awkward predicament of having to be dishonest with someone I love. Do you have any advice? — LIVING A DOUBLE LIFE

DEAR LIVING: Yes. Because lying to your friends and relatives makes you uncomfortable, consider some other way to pay for your education.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.