What an embarrassing week to be a fan of … Western civilization.

Seriously, when considering the events of the past eight days, the New England Patriots couldn’t be any farther down the list of violators in relationship to the social contract.

Imagine President Bill Clinton, a decade-and-a-half after the Monica Lewinsky foolishness (a sign that we were headed in this direction, by the way), leading the nightly news five consecutive nights after being nabbed for speeding.

That’s where we are with this national conversation about deflated (foot)balls. The AFC champions have been accused of a trifling rules violation.

I repeat, accused. It has never felt safer to say that any evidence NFL commissioner Roger Goodell unearths that would somehow prove culpability in this episode is trumped-up. There also is no way any sane person could explain how a pound or two of air pressure in a football made any difference in a 45-7 shellacking. It certainly wouldn’t trump the science that suggests it could have been coincidental.

None of that has stopped some of us – sadly, most of us – from pursuing this “story” with ghoulish glee.

It isn’t even hard to figure out why. We are a nation of haters. We are a populace that believes the first thing we hear or read with alarming frequency.

And most of us belong to a shrinking middle class that is raised with a mistrust if not outright hatred of excellence. We see an ivory tower or a pedestal and would rather think that somebody cheated or short-cut his way to the top than actually earning the trip. It helps us self-medicate for our own inferiority complex.

This isn’t meant to absolve the all-too-common stooge who identifies as a Patriots fan, accepts everything that emanates from the organization as gospel, yet couldn’t name five players who wore the uniform before 2001. You’re embarrassing, too. On behalf of people who could pick Matt Cavanaugh and Don Calhoun out of a police lineup, the rest of you, please, stop talking and stop re-posting stories without considering the source.

For the most part, however, this is the second most significant witch hunt ever associated with the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

While many whisperers surely contributed to the initial investigation, ultimately this story received its legs from a self-absorbed chest-thumper within my own profession. He succeeded in making himself the story, which despite the foolishness we see from cross-over “sportswriters” on cable TV, is generally considered a no-no. It’s disgraceful and embarrassing.

The Patriots’ alleged gamesmanship with an air compressor somehow led the local and national news for the better part of a week.

Nobody gets a bailout for this one. The idea that America is so fascinated with the scientific viability of sports equipment, in a time of such egregious economic, ethical, financial, foreign and domestic failure in our country, is appalling. Just as guilty, however, are the do-gooders who can’t wait to point out this disproportion when their lives show zero evidence of trying to fix the problems they consider “important.”

It’s OK to enjoy sports, and even care passionately about it. Just do it in a way that doesn’t make it obvious that you have an axe to grind with the coach, or simply a pervasive dislike for players and teams that win all the time.

A pox on both your houses, in other words.

There’s sooooo much humiliation to go around in this case, but frankly I don’t have the space or the patience. I’m embarrassed that news outlets, including the one that signs my paycheck, put this lunacy front-and-center for so many consecutive days.

It’s conclusive proof that the “new media” is terminally reactive. By golly, this story is what people are talking about, so it must be important.

Whatever happened to intelligent analysis and original thought? How about being a cry in the wilderness instead of just another member in the shrill, singsong chorus, demanding satisfaction? My kingdom for a columnist, any columnist whose reach expands beyond three counties in Maine, emerging as a voice of reason.

That person hopefully would point out that even if proven guilty as sin – which I am supremely confident will not happen – this is not an offense that would do one scintilla of damage to Bill Belichick or Tom Brady’s “legacy,” whatever the hell that even means.

It is not the abuse of steroids or spouses. It is not the covering up of head injuries that will impact participants’ families for generations to come. At its worst, it would be the equivalent of scuffing a baseball, using too much pine tar, or piping artificial noise into a domed stadium.

Oh, that’s right: There’s equal if not superior proof that the alleged “victim” in this deflation episode, the Indianapolis Colts, have done precisely the latter in games against the Patriots and others.

Didn’t see Brian Williams or Anderson Cooper reading such information off a teleprompter this week, however, which is, yes, embarrassing.

The hue and cry will continue. It will only reverberate more loudly after New England throttles Seattle next Sunday for the Super Bowl title, one that will be every bit as legitimate as the 48 that preceded it.

Being embarrassed is absolutely the right reaction to this debacle, unless we’re talking about being a believer in the New England Patriots.

Exercise that status with pride and without shame. The evidence is on your side, even if the rest of a planet and its messed-up priorities insist otherwise.

Kalle Oakes is a staff writer. His email is koakes@sunjournal.com. Follow him on Twitter @Oaksie72.

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