Paradise by the drugstore light

What’s up with the house on East Avenue in Lewiston, the one sort of tucked away behind Rite Aid and across the street from CVS? It’s a nice looking house that looked like it was abandoned in the middle of the night. Probably haunted. Why else would somebody move away from a sweet set up like that? Imagine it! Never having to stand in the middle of East Avenue absolutely paralyzed by indecision – will Right Guard Sport be cheaper at Rite Aid this week? Or CVS? Doesn’t matter! You can check both because you live smack-dab in the middle! That’s living, bro.

Bucket full

They say it was all Jerry Springer out there at Maine Bucket last Sunday. They were having their annual parking lot sale, you see, and competition over the limited goods was fierce. I didn’t see it for myself but I heard tales of name-calling, allegations of cheating and at least one instance of insider trading. By the time I got there, you could still see locks of human hair floating in the wind and the tension was palpable. I went over for one of those nice wooden buckets, but after some old lady snarled at me, I settled for a bag of kindling.

Alfred Hitchcockian

So, I decided to commune with nature by buying one of those blocks of suet (Sweat? SOO-it?) and hanging it under my car port. Holy bird invasion, Batman! I got red birds and black birds and birds that looked like miniature toucans. There were birds from other dimensions; birds that sprang into existence just to come sup on my offerings. I think I had some birds out there from the Jurassic period. I will not be surprised, even a little bit, if I wake up tomorrow to find Big Bird out there noshing with Larry Bird, and possibly the remaining members of the ’60s band The Byrds. I won’t lie to you. I’m a little afraid to go outside.

Fashion advice

Gorilla Grip Gloves and FiveFinger shoes. Get these today and you will be transformed into a beast of nature, just like our cave-dwelling forebears but with fewer ouchies. I’m so pleased with these two items, sometimes that’s ALL I wear.

Take that, sucker

I hope you enjoy that image for the rest of the day.

Making a list, checking it twice

At a USM-LAC seniors writing class on Wednesday, I had the pleasure of meeting a delightful woman who promptly announced that I was responsible for her only printed work. Seems that a year or so ago, I found her shopping list on the ground behind the Lewiston Public Library and published its contents in this space. The lady was very nice and forgiving about all of this, although I did have to promise to let her cut in line at the next Maine Bucket sale.