By Andrea Bonior

Special to The Washington Post

Q: I’m in love with my best friend, and I have been for years. We’ve never discussed this precisely, but I’m certain he doesn’t return my romantic feelings. He dates and has relationships with other women, but my dating efforts have failed. I would be devastated to lose him or our close friendship, but I don’t want to keep being hurt by my unrequited love.

A: You’ve got two evils to choose the lesser of. Both involve pain — that of letting go of a friend who has meant so much to you, or that of watching, time and again, the person you’re in love with choose someone else (or to be alone) instead.

Which option will better allow you to live your life most fully and be the person you want to be? For many people, dealing with unrequited love is soul-corroding, and keeps them from moving on, cutting them off from finding someone who could be a better match. Others find they eventually get over it with a small amount of space rather than a totally clean break. Ask yourself: How may you eventually grow outside of this relationship, and is it keeping you from getting there?

Q: I suspect my wife of getting into physical fights with my 15-year-old stepdaughter. Both of them deny it, and my stepdaughter outweighs my wife, but they have a very tumultuous relationship. I know my wife can get physical with things (kicking walls, throwing dishes). I don’t know where to start with this if they won’t open up to me.

A: I’m not sure what evidence you have, but no matter who outweighs who (this isn’t a high school wrestling match!), this is a serious situation, and the risk to both of them is very real.

There’s clearly a problem, whether physical contact is happening or not. The constant arguments and your wife’s difficulties managing anger alone are sufficient to warrant intervention. Getting them to “open up” isn’t working, so start working on getting all of you into therapy. If they refuse to go together, see if your wife or stepdaughter will go alone. And if they won’t, you should. You could be living in an abusive situation, and you will need all the strength and support you can get in order to stand up to it and make the right choices to protect all parties involved.

Andrea Bonior, a Washington-area clinical psychologist, writes a weekly relationships advice column in The Washington Post’s Express daily tabloid and is author of “The Friendship Fix.” For more information, see www.drandreabonior.com. You can also follow her on Twitter: @drandreabonior.