DEAR ABBY: I am a young man who is currently in college. When I

was an infant I was circumcised, and I feel violated that my parents

decided to circumcise me without my consent. When the doctor

performed the surgery, he took too much off, which causes me pain.

When I was in grade school, I was sexually assaulted by an older

classmate, but I feel much more violated from the circumcision

because it took a part of me that I can never get back. I am filled

with hate and anger toward my parents, even though I know it is

unfair to them because they believed they were making the right

choice at the time.

My parents know how I feel and are sorry, but I still have these

negative feelings toward them because I can’t get the procedure

undone. Do you have any suggestions how I can overcome my dilemma

and build a better relationship with my parents? — CUT SHORT IN

CALIFORNIA

DEAR C.S.: Yes, I have several. All of them involve talking to

doctors. The place to start would be your student health center to

determine exactly what is causing your pain and if there is help for

it. A doctor there may refer you to a urologist, who may be able to

get the problem corrected.

In addition, I urge you to talk to a licensed mental health

professional to help you work through your anger because it may be

misdirected and a result of the sexual assault you experienced in

grade school.

******

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I live in a small house on a small

lot. We don’t have children, but love kids. Our problem is our

next-door neighbors, whose two elementary school-age boys have

limited supervision. They’re always in our yard digging and leaving

their toys around. Honestly, their own yard is bigger.

They constantly come over asking for candy, and the other day

while my husband was working from home, he heard someone trying to

open the door and pushing the keypad for entry. Needless to say, it

was one of the boys.

I have tried asking them nicely to retrieve their toys, etc.,

but I’m getting really frustrated and afraid I’m going to lose my

patience soon and blow. Please help us. — TRYING TO REMAIN NICE

NEIGHBORS

DEAR TRYING: You say you have spoken to the boys, but have you

spoken to their parents? That one of the boys would try to gain

entry to your house — I assume thinking there was no one there —

is worrisome, and the parents should be put on notice about it. (In

some neighborhoods the outcome could be dangerous.) If you can’t get

them to take action, then consider fencing your yard.

******

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne

Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact

Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA

90069.