It’s June! Finally!

Let’s kick up our heels, dust off our bikinis and get to it — it’s a retail mash-up.

Marital honesty

An actual conversation three weeks ago at the Bag House while watching an episode of “Survivor”:

BL: “See how that woman’s bikini bottom is rouched up the back, along the seam of her bum, so it looks like it’s going to fall down at any moment? Ugh. I think that’s such a bad look.”

Mr. BL: “You know that shirt you have with the rouching in front? I hate it. I always have.”

BL: “What, the one I’ve been wearing for like five years?”

Mr. BL: “Yes. It looks awful on you.”

BL: “Five years! You waited five years to tell me that?”

Mr. BL: Nod. Shrug. Moves on with life.

BL: Simmer. Simmer. Plots.

Just say OH, NO

So oddly, continuing on the swimsuit theme . . .

Bag Lady passed a display bin at Wal-Mart last week advertising knit bikini tops and bottoms for $2.50 each, immediately did a double-take and tsked the tsk of a 88-year-old who just discovered Tinder.

No.

What kind of tensile strength could possibly exist in a $2.50 knit bikini top? What sort of coverage?

More horrifying: This week, that bin was GONE.

Did they sell out? Did they not sell a single one and someone decided to pull them from the floor? Did a gaggle of teenage girls go in the changing room to try the lot of them on, immediately become entangled in a knit-floss-bikini-octopus-of-death-knot, Facebook about it, because, of course, and catch the attention of the producers of “Sharknado 4” (out next month!), who then decided to write it into their script at the very last minute?

Maybe.

Flounce, party of one

Also gone, along with the bikini bin: PacSun. Officially. After hearing earlier this winter that its closure was imminent, the space in the Auburn Mall is now empty but for fixtures.

But, instead of mourning its loss, let’s celebrate an expansion: Bag Lady hasn’t been into Maurice’s since that trendy women’s clothing store moved a few doors down into the former GAP storefront. Happy to say it’s definitely worth a look.

Surprisingly, it’s a little Fashion Bug, in a good way, in layout, vibe and range. The store carries up to size 24, which I hadn’t realized. There are shoes, purses, accessories and changing rooms in the back. (Bag Lady overheard a clerk helping a customer in one of the changing rooms in a way that was perky-helpful vs. aggressive-helpful or its cousin, begrudgingly-helpful, which was just plain nice.)

Some of what you’ll find there:

* Leather sandals, $29/2-for-$40

Racks and racks of flat finds for summer, up to size 11. Beaded, braided, you pick.

* Polished Capris, $39

So work-friendly, crisp and straight-legged. The tag says these slay muffin tops. Keep up that fight, my little capri.

* Crochet everything, various prices

If there was a theme in my oohing and ahhing among Maurice’s racks, it was this: This is the summer of crochet. Flouncy skirts, tank tops, beach cover-ups. Crochet, crochet, crochet.

Bag Lady is very swipe-left on this particular trend. In five years, maybe I’ll find out what Mr. Bag Lady has to say about it.

Bag Lady’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who are perky-unhelpful, but adorably so) and the customer service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at baglady@sunjournal.com.

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