Please, on this fine Friday, come speculate with me.

Since Bag Lady and Shopping Siren were so good about guessing which major retailer will be coming to Exit 80* in Lewiston, Bag Lady decided to take a crack this week at speculating who will be coming to the recently sold Promenade Mall.

* OK, full disclosure: We can’t actually tell how great we were until something is built there; but until that time, we were excellent at it.

For the picks, Bag Lady read the new list of the World’s Largest U.S. Retail Chains and plucked out six seemingly reasonable candidates based on average store size.

The largest empty storefront in the Promenade Mall is 25,000 square feet and it’s neighbored by an empty storefront with 10,000 square feet, so this guessing game was based on a maximum 35,000 square feet. (Just tear down the wall and throw up a beam between the two spaces. The “Property Brothers” do that all the time, she says, knowing nothing about how construction works.)

The guesstimated likelihood of each choice is measured on a scale of 1 to 10 weary ballot clerks with 1 being very unlikely and 10 a slam dunk.

Now let’s do this!

The candidate: Whole Foods Market

With finds like:

• Wellspring Creamery Cranberry Orange Goat Cheese, 8 oz., $5.49

I know! You’ve never heard of Cranberry Orange Goat Cheese before either, have you? It’s a thing! And it’s not here. And maybe that’s a travesty that needs to be corrected.

• Mrs. Meyer’s liquid hand soap, 12.5 oz., $3.99

Stocking up on several of these delightful scents would end a current standoff between Bag Lady and Mr. Bag Lady. One of us believes it’s OK to water down the hand soap once it’s getting to the bottom. The other of us believes that can’t be particularly healthy — when it’s a mere soapy oil slick amid a squish of water, how can it possibly retain any of its positive, soapy attributes?

What say YOU? You break our tie.

Range of store sizes/closest existing location: 29,000-49,000 square feet (based on stores opened in the second quarter)/Portland

Odds of it being THE ONE: 6 clerks. The company’s growing, introducing smaller stores (called 365 by Whole Foods Market) and nuttier things have happened.*

* See Cranberry Orange Goat Cheese

The candidate: Trader Joe’s

With finds like:

• Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Pie Spice Cookie Butter, 14 oz., $3.69

Spread it on vanilla ice cream or shovel directly into your watering mouth. Either way.

• Trader Joe’s Sweet Potato Pie, 24.7 oz., $6.99

With an oat crumble top and maple syrup and bourbon flavoring on the inside. Bring it to a dinner party. Gobble gobble. Repeat.

Range of store sizes/closest existing location: 10,000-15,000 square feet/Portland 

Odds of it being THE ONE: 4 clerks. Maybe this could take up just one of the two open storefronts.

The candidate: Ross stores

This wasn’t a name I’d been familiar with, but Ross operates both Ross Dress for Less and dd’s Discounts. It’s growing and it’s in 36 states, just not New England. (It sounds very TJ Maxx-ish with discounts on in-season clothes and home goods.)

With finds like: Prices are described online as between 20 and 70 percent off department stores, but none of it is for sale on its website. Instead, there are just pretty pictures of hip, hot shoes, ponchos and clutches. So Bag Lady is basically sold.

Range of store sizes/closest existing location: 28,800 square feet/Washington, D.C.? (It’s a little tough to say; the interactive map on its website isn’t super helpful.)

Odds of it being THE ONE: 2 clerks. It feels like an unlikely but bold choice to enter the New England market here. Be bold, Ross. Be bold.

The candidate: Toys”R”Us

With finds like:

• Chevy Silverado 12-volt ride-on, $349.99

Because the holidays are almost here and just maybe your child deserves a ride on par with yours. At least this one would be cheaper to register.

• Furby Connect Interactive Plush Dolls, $89.99

Because Furbies are back!? And they’re chattier than ever — so chatty that Furby 2.0 comes with a “sleep mask” when you need to tell it to chill.

Range of store sizes/closest existing location: 35,000 square feet/South Portland 

Odds of it being THE ONE: 2 clerks. With locations in South Portland and Bangor, it just feels unlikely.

The candidate: PetSmart

With finds like:

• Top Fin Pet Holiday Gingerbread House Aquarium Ornament, $9.99

There’s a door to swim through and faux-M&Ms decorating the roof. Who says fish don’t have seasonal flair?

• Pet Holiday Candy Cane Cat Scratcher, $6.99

Nearly 18 inches tall, made of cardboard and catnip, it’s practically begging to be destroyed. You know, festively.

Range of store sizes/closest existing location: 18,000-27,500 square feet/Augusta 

Odds of it being THE ONE: 2 clerks. Petco right across the river seems to diminish the chances of this one.

The candidate: HomeGoods

With finds like: It’s the same here as at Ross with none of its steeply discounted finds offered online — you’ve got to be in person to partake. Would it detract or woo if Bag Lady and Shopping Siren promised that one of us would run up and down its aisles at least once a week? We’d do it. For the greater good. Also, for our kitchens, which could use an update.

Range of store sizes/closest existing location: 26,000 square feet/Scarborough  

Odds of it being THE ONE: 5 clerks. We’ve already got TJ Maxx in Auburn, so the corporate parent knows the area. Wishful thinking might push it to 7 clerks.

Bag Lady’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who practice festive destruction) and the customer service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at baglady@sunjournal.com.

Copy the Story Link

« Previous

Educators who founded Lewiston Junior ROTC honored

Next »

Auburn meeting to discuss agricultural, resource protection district