There are two kinds of people in the world:

Those who love weird sandwiches.

And those who haven’t found the right weird. Yet. 

Shopping Siren’s own obsession started with Dagwood. (The comic strip character, not the sandwich.) He was famous for building gargantuan sandwiches filled with every foodstuff my peanut butter-and-jelly-loving 5-year-old self never dreamed of putting between two slices of bread. I was awed. And intrigued. And a little nauseated, but mostly intrigued.

Over the years, I crafted my own Dagwoods with varying success. (The sandwich, not the comic strip character.) Turns out apricot jam is ridiculously delicious in a grilled ham and cheese. Bananas. Are. Not.

Too busy or too hungry to level up your sandwich-making skills? You don’t have to. Lewiston-Auburn’s lunch spots have their own kind of Dagwood dreams.  

Egg salad and spicy sauce? Brie, fig and olive paste? Corned beef and kimchi?

They sound crazy, but none of it’s bananas.

• Kool Thing, She Doesn’t Like Guthries, $8.95

An ironically named panini filled with turkey, cheddar, hot sauce, jalapeno, red pepper, spinach and roasted red pepper pesto. So, basically, a turkey and cheese sandwich that’ll set you on fire. Enjoy!

• Downtown Revitalization, Victor News, $6.99

Includes ham, turkey, bacon, Swiss cheese and veggies — none of which is particularly special, until you consider the fact it all comes in a pizza dough shell. Let me say that again. A pizza dough shell. Because in the world of sandwich breads, pizza dough is God.

• Hell’s Kitchen, Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli, $9.75

Egg salad, bacon, Swiss, avocado and a special spicy sauce, all piled on whatever bread you want. I’ve gotten this sandwich before and it’s approximately the size of a small house. A very, very yummy small house.

• Georgio’s U.F.O., Georgio’s Pizza & Donut Shop, $7.50

This baked sandwich includes salami, ham, pepperoni, Provolone cheese, American cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, green peppers, pickles and mayo on a round roll. According to Georgio’s menu, U.F.O. stands for “unbelievably filling object.” So maybe don’t get two.

• Kimchi Reuben, Marche, $11

Kimchi, corned beef, Swiss cheese and Russian dressing served on grilled rye. For those who find sauerkraut to be so five minutes ago.

• Market sandwiches, Forage Market, $8.50 to $9.25

It kind of feels like the people at Forage threw a bunch of ingredients at a French baguette one day and called it delicious. They weren’t wrong.

You’ve got three choices for market sandwiches: Prosciutto and arugula; cured Spanish ham, brie, quince paste and arugula; or brie, fig and olive tapenade (a kind of paste or dip). All include olive oil and sea salt. I’ve tried all three and fell so deeply in love — and in debt — that I tried recreating these at home. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. It’s also the sincerest way to gain five pounds.

• Mexican wrap, Sam’s Italian Foods, $8.15

Includes hamburger, salsa, cheese, tomatoes, onions, green peppers, lettuce, jalapenos and black olives. In other words, everything you’ve ever encountered at a Mexican restaurant. Toasted.

Best find: Salmon melt, Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli, $10.75

Salmon, pepper jack cheese, avocado and Cajun sauce, toasted on your choice of bread. (Get the ciabatta.) I actively dislike fully half of these ingredients, but together they transform into one of the best sandwiches I’ve ever had. I don’t know how that works.

The next time someone tells you two wrongs don’t make a right, just point to this sandwich and announce, “Your argument is invalid.”

Think twice: About skipping lunch

There are too many cool/weird/marvelous sandwiches out there to go hungry.

Shopping Siren’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who crave BLTs without the L or T) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at [email protected].

Half a salmon melt from Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli, $10.75. Marooned on a desert island with a supply of just one kind of sandwich? This is the one Shopping Siren would choose.

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