DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man who has been dating a divorced man for nine months. I’m 25 and he is 50. He was married to a woman for more than 20 years and has three children. (I am the age between his middle and oldest children.) We met one day and have never been apart since.

It started great. We had a connection I had never experienced before I met him. He was let go from his job, and I supported him for some time. He finally found a job in Georgia, and I am left in New York.

I made plans to move there with him, but I’m nervous about it. First, because I have never been in love before and I’m not sure if he’s as in love with me as I am with him. Second, he cheated on his wife with a man my age. The guy left him right before he met me, and I’m not so sure he is completely over him. (I know they are still in contact, but he has never lied about it.)

I’m worried he might cheat on me too, or worse, give his ex another shot, and I’ll be left on the sidelines. What advice can you offer me? — WANTS TO MAKE THE RIGHT MOVE

DEAR WANTS: Do nothing drastic right now. Pay him a visit. Without committing yourself, take a look around to see if Georgia might suit you.

You say this man hasn’t lied to you. While you’re there, ask him whether he would give his ex another shot if the man were willing. However, don’t prejudge him because he was unable to remain faithful to his wife. Like some gay men who come out later in life, he may not have fully realized that he was gay until some time after they were married. It happens.


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DEAR ABBY: I work in a company that has small offices. Although most people have their own office, I share one because I was the last guy hired.

I have one co-worker who I really like, but he has a serious problem. He — and his wife, I suspect — don’t do laundry. This results in him having serious odor. When he comes into my office or I have to go into his, or even walk by his door, the smell is seriously rank. How do I tell him or his superiors about this issue? — HOLDING MY NOSE IN TEXAS

DEAR HOLDING: Go to your supervisor and explain the problem. You should not have to counsel the offending employee; the boss, your supervisor or someone in human resources should do it. If the problem is as severe as you say it is, it probably won’t be the first time they have heard about it because others will have noticed it and complained, too.

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DEAR ABBY: I have a new neighbor, and after meeting just once, she declared us to be ”great friends.” I work full time and she doesn’t, so anytime I’m home she wants to get together. That would be fine if I liked her, but I don’t! We are complete opposites, and she has a major gambling problem. How do I gracefully say I’m not interested in being friends? — PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE

DEAR PLEASE: The poor woman is new in the neighborhood. That may be why she’s reaching out the way she is. When she suggests getting together, explain that you have a full-time job and things you need to do at home, so the answer is you don’t have time. Sorry.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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