With all this sickness going around, I feel I must brag just a little. Other than pneumonia, scarlet- tina, low sugar, anxiety, depression, tinnitus, arthritis, and heart problems, I consider I have had quite a healthy life. Oh ya, of course those silly things like mumps and chicken pox, but almost every kid in school got those. Colds and flus did not seem to run through the family a lot. I think it is because of the home remedies that mother always used. Even today, the only time I get sick is when I meet sick people. I wish I could remember a lot of those remedies mother always used. You know, simple remedies such as whiskey and honey for the cough. Take the bark from that red fire bush and make a salve for cold sores. She always used that on the bread and butter sores (whatever those were). I honestly feel that we were healthier because we played out in the mud and manure a lot. We would enjoy those hot summer days playing king of the mountain on some of those piles after they dried and were a bit solid. Mother complained once that I got hoof and mouth disease from one of those piles. She claimed I ran around too much making a lot of noise. There were times, I just couldn’t stop moving. She would go out and harvest the wild dandelion. For supper we would have dandelion greens. She would save the root to make salves for some sort of ailment. But I feel that because we were always in contact with wild and wooly germs, we built a good immune system. One of my sisters had a bunch of kids. Well actually the majority of my sisters had a bunch of kids. I guess it was a family trait. The White families were quite sizable. It seemed if you had only a total of 5 in the family, you didn’t like kids. But, this one sister wanted to keep the youngest as clean as possible. It was the last one she was going to have. The youngster it seemed, was always sick with some sort of silly illness. She finally gave up and let the youngster get as dirty as he wanted to. From that time on, he was not sick as much. He became almost normal. I am not sure if any of us Whites could be labeled as normal. I know the doctors gave up on me being similar to his other patients. He finally started using the phrase, “It was normal for me.”  People would get concerned taking my pulse. At times, they would count only 40 beats per minute and other times it would be up to 80 beats per minute. But I always blamed the high pulse rate on the nice lady taking the pulse. I did a lot of research in my home remedy books to make sure they did not excite me. I never did find anything that helped. There were lots of remedies to raise the pulse and blood pressure. I didn’t need any help on that. Ever since second grade the ladies seemed to be my main focus in life. I would try the hardest to show them I could get good grades and excel if I so desired. A lot of times I would excel just to prove them they made a mistake. The worst grade I ever got in school was because my lady friend moved on to another. There was one young lady, whose name I never got. She really messed my mind up big time.  It was the time the circus came to town. I helped them set up down by the area that was the dump at the time.  That area then became the Treatment plant, and now is the town maintenance department. But the big field just to this side of that was where they had the circus. After I helped them set up, I took a job selling peanuts. I think I was in the sixth grade at the time. Maybe some of you old timers can remember the exact year they had the circus there. But I was going around hollering “peanuts, peanuts,” like I was supposed to. Well, this young lady got me so tied up for about 5 minutes after I went around trying to sell popcorn. Boy was I embarrassed when she reminded me, I was actually selling peanuts.

Back to the home remedies. There was a time that I made home remedies for some of my relatives. They would describe some of their ailments and I would scour the books I have. The majority of these books were published around 1940-1950.  If one reads those published after that, they suggest not using some of the remedies. But I survived and so did all of those I treated. A lot of the remedies were quite simple. I would take coconut butter and add whatever the remedy suggested. I never did find anything that helped my thinking be more normal. And, most probably they pushed me a bit the other way. You see, there are some great remedies the Indians used to help find the buffalo. They would make this concoction. The hunters would sit around the fires and light the old pipe. Before long, they would all see the buffaloes. I never did try this remedy, because I knew there were no buffalo around. But we do have turkeys and deer that gather in the area. I always wondered if it would work on them.  I found it much easier to just throw out more bird seed and corn for the animals and sit and wait. That other stuff just made me sick to the stomach. About the only thing I shoot now is the bb gun to convince the deer and turkey to leave one section of bird food alone. I may have to change my mind though. I heard one can bag a turkey with the bb gun. With 15 to 25 turkeys visiting, I would have to go “eenie, meanie, minee, moe, which turkey’s turn to go”.

More Remedies

I got to feeling guilty for not sharing some really great home remedies with ya. The book I take these from keeps posting they are secret remedies, so I dared not share. I realize the book was printed around 1819 but I wasn’t sure if they wanted me to share some of these secrets. I will not guarantee any of these but ya all can go ahead and try them if you wish.

For a violent toothache

Take a new nail, pick with this the tooth till it bleeds, then take the nail and insert it in a place where neither sun or moon shines onto it, perhaps in the rafters of the bin or cellar toward the rising sun. At the first stroke upon the nail call the name of him who you design to help and speak; Toothache fly away by the second stroke; The toothache cease, and the pain allay

If any of ya indeed try this, let us know if it works. I am sure there may be folks out there who would want this remedy. Now here is another one for your fever.  I remind ya I haven’t tried these yet.

Write upon three almond kernels the following words and take them three mornings in succession. ( not sure how ya gonna take the same seeds but anyway)

“Hasta, Hava, Shaver.”

Then purchase 5 cents worth of camphor, and make small lozenges from it, and suspend these from your neck. Leave them there three days and three nights in that position and remove them at the same hour of the day that they were fastened to your body.

I tried lookin up those special words and my spell checker or search engines did not like all of them. So ya on ya own with this one too.

To draw poison from the body.

Drink four ounces of rosemary water, it will neutralize the poison and strengthen heart and brain.

I like the sound of this one just because it strengthens the brain.  Not sure if the IGA sells rosemary water though.  Maybe Amazon.com has some.  I will let ya know.

To restore Manhood

Buy a pike as they are sold in the fish-market, carry it noiselessly to a running water, there let whale oil run into the snout of the fish, throw the fish into the running water and then walk stream upward and you will recover your strength and former powers.

This one might be fun to try if I could find the fish-market and get some whale oil.

This next one I really like

To drive away lice

Fishberry and lard mixed together, and the head anointed therewith.

I am not sure if this next one works but if it does, we should forward this to all of the police departments.

To discern the thief who robbed you

Take the seed of the sunflower, which you must gather in the sign of the Lion in the month of August. Wrap the same up over a wolf’s tooth; then take a bay leaf and wrap the tooth therein, then take the tooth, put it above your head, and you will see the thief.

All of the above remedies are listed in a book of Egyptian Secrets. I am quite sure these are not FDA approved. There are many more that I dare not send ya because they are supposed to be secrets. According to the preface, as long as I carry the book with me at all times, no harm will come to me. I thought it only fair that I send some of these along for you folks. I am sure many of you never even knew this book existed. John George Hohman was the original author and publisher of this book way back in 1819.  Talk about heavy reading. I just may have to try that remedy to strengthen the brain.

You have a fine day now.    Ken W    (got to go find the cup plant that the Indians liked)

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