This week’s column is inspired by an article about the issue of bullying that is happening in a local school. Bullying occurs at all schools, at work, and in everyday life. The superintendent is, of course, concerned about how it affects learning. My concern is how it affects mental health, the health of communities, and the world’s health. Bullying comes in many forms; it is often generational. Bullying momentarily makes the bully feel powerful, strong, and special. I want to see us transform this situation so people feel special because they are kind and lift others.

So this week, I sought to draft what I intended to be a short blog post, but it grew long, and I then decided to morph it into a three-part column series. My life colleague, Sharon D’Agostino, has a movement called “Say It Forward.” You can find it online at sayitforward.org. There you will find a robust collection of stories shared by women from all over the world. I agree that sharing our stories is important and necessary, so seven years ago, when she asked me to add my story, I accepted the challenge. I reflected on what I shared to glean the beginnings of this week’s column.

Like all amazing women, my story started at birth when I defied the odds and lived past infanthood. I knew from childhood I was different. I saw the world differently. I was softer in response to situations and people. I stood up for those who needed someone to help them feel empowered. But, the unfortunate piece is that, like most of us, I didn’t realize the importance of sticking up for myself.

Today, I cannot stress enough the importance of asking for what you need, And when you aren’t clear about those needs, don’t ignore your feelings, be curious because unmet needs will build within until they eventually erupt. The consequences of which may be irreversible.

When I was growing up, it was not okay to share emotions. This was expressed by phrases such as “big boys don’t cry”; and “put your big girl panties on.” When my father died, I was told, “Don’t cry. Move on”. So when I was bullied at my new school from third grade through high school, I applied this lesson and withdrew into myself. We all learn from what goes on around us, so it was that I learned not to tell anyone how being bullied made me feel. I saw the world as unfriendly and dangerous. You would never have guessed but maybe wondered, “what is wrong with her”?

I moved through life doing all that was expected of me. I went to college, married, and raised three children. I cared for my mother, designed children’s clothing, homeschooled, and tended to household responsibilities. I loved those roles, yet I continued to ignore my needs. There was always a sadness within me that nagged for attention. Looking back, I think everyone but myself saw the effect.

When we know better, we do better.

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