A nostalgic senior woman holding picture frame, standing by window at home. Getty Images

I’ve been remembering with gratitude the 2019 Thanksgiving season. My mother was in the hospital with her seventh heart attack. It’s always upsetting when a loved one is in the hospital. It’s especially so when you know this time may be the last. With the assistance of my husband and children, I was her caregiver. When she signed out of the hospital, AMA – Against Medical Advice – I supported her 100 percent.

I believe that people should be allowed to make their own health choices related to death and dying. Her doctor tried to convince us both it was a mistake, but I knew she wanted to be home where she could make her Thanksgiving pies. I believed that if Mom died standing at the counter rolling out dough, she would die happy knowing she was doing what she loved best: baking for her family.

So it was that she went home and baked everyone the pie of their desire. My request was pineapple cream cheese. One year, she made two for my niece and one for me as we were quibbling over who would claim the larger half. In another week, with my mother watching over the details from Heaven, my niece and I will bake a pineapple cream cheese pie and share it.

I often miss my mother, even though she passed more than 20 years ago. Grief is always just below the surface, arriving unannounced and uninvited. I’d be lying if I said tears weren’t flowing as I wrote this week’s column. Tears measure the depth of our love. Saltwater spilling down my cheeks and onto the keyboard won’t harm anything. I wipe them up as I go.

Grief occurs when there’s a loss of any kind. It has no shelf life and endures time. Tears are not always present, but a broken heart is. When there are celebratory events related to the loss, grief pays a return visit. The holiday season can seem like one long session of reliving losses. It’s also an opportunity to experience and rekindle the joys of time spent with our loved ones.

Despite my periodic bouts of grieving over my mother’s passing, I am grateful. She taught me much, leaving an indelible mark of love on my children’s lives. They remember her fondly, sometimes reminiscing about her delectable baked goods, knitting skills, and shared hours of playtime. They, too, are grateful for the time they shared.

Here are a few tips to remember when experiencing grief:

• Allow emotions to flow around and through you.

• Rest.

• Don’t be afraid of the memories. Set realistic expectations.

• At gatherings, have an exit strategy in case you are overwhelmed and need to leave.

• No one needs an apology because you are feeling sad.

• Have an exit signal with your gathering companion.

• Do something – walk, bake, light a candle.

• It’s perfectly normal to have grief and joy co-mingle.

Grief has no beginning and, like a golden ring, no ending. Don’t do anything that doesn’t serve your soul and the meaning that lives within you.