Roll Nords!
Last Saturday night, as the Maine Nordiques trounced the Maryland Black Bears to clinch the NAHL playoff series, there were something like 2,500 people rocking The Colisée in Lewiston. I mean, it was raucous, bros. The thunder of the fans appreciating the hometown team was so loud, you couldn’t even hear the gunfire in downtown Lewiston for a good 30 minutes. The Nordiques next face the Rochester Jr. Americans for the East Division finals, and since the first two games are on the road, The Colisée is having a watch party. I tell you, the Nordiques are the funnest thing to happen to this city since they shut down the massage parlors.

Do you even Facebook, bro?
A caller who left a voicemail for me at work requests — nay, DEMANDS! — that people include dates and specific locations when they’re posting about stuff in the community. She’s sick and tired, this caller, of finding incomplete information on Facebook because people are too lazy to include the details. I would ask that you do what the lady says, because I’m pretty sure if you don’t, she will hurt me.

Just kidding, tho
The lady who left that voicemail was actually very nice. And wise. A saint, really. It’s just that as she was speaking, I could hear her cracking her knuckles and stropping a blade in the background. Please, for the love of God, include specific times and locations in your Facebook posts. I don’t feel like getting shanked today.

Most Americans haven’t tried seaweed
This according to a recent study in Maine showing that not a lot of people are lining up for seaweed burgers and the like. But I consider this poll incomplete because it doesn’t cover accidental ingestion of seaweed like it should. Have you ever surfed the big waves at Scarborough Beach or Reid State Park, my bro? Because if you do, you’ll end up swallowing all sorts of stuff and you’ll take home plenty of seaweed in your shorts. Just pull it out later and add it to your soup, I say. It will make these scientists happy.

Do you even lift, bro?
The other day on Walnut Street I saw a guy attempting to heave a trash bag into the back of his pickup truck. He swung once to get his timing right. Swung again to get some momentum and then on the third swing, he let the bag go. Nope. It hit the side of the truck and fell to the ground with a thud. Appropriately enraged, the fellow repeated the whole process. Swung once, swung twice and then let her go! This time, the bag sailed right over the truck bed and thumped back to the ground on the other side. I was going to stop and offer help, but by this time, the dude appeared homicidal, and who could blame him? Some days are just out to get you.