Luiggi’s to close. Again.

It’s a real pity and it happened so fast! I mean, five months? I know some people who take that long just to place their order, and you know who you are, too. Seriously, it’s a bucket of spaghetti! Why do you need to make it so complicated!

You can dance if you want to

So, over the weekend, my current wife and I hiked up to Piazza Rock in Rangeley and spent the night on one of the tenting platforms there before setting out for a longer hike to the area of Saddleback Mountain. That’s a lot of wilderness, but other than the chatter of a chipmunk laughing wildly at one of my slips down a rocky slope (I swear that little rodent was even slapping his knee, his hilarity was so great) we had no negative run-ins with nature at all. And then, not an hour after we got home, I walked face first into a spider’s nest right under my own carport. The ensuing dance lasted a full 20 minutes and took me into the backyard, where I clawed at my face and snatched off every piece of clothing that spider might have fallen into. I regret that there was no one around to see this spectacle because I feel this “Get It Offa Me!” dance had a real chance of catching on with the kids.

Back to school

Yes, yes. I know it’s all very exciting, the little red-faced cherubs going back to the classroom dressed in spanking new clothes their moms are making them wear. It’s just that, for me, school buses on the street mean that summer is almost over and next thing you know, it’s Christmas and winter and I wish I was a bear so I could hibernate. Actually there are a whole bunch of reasons I wish I was a bear, but we can talk about that at another time. Late at night. At your campsite.

Speaking of back to school fashion . . .

I keep waiting for some old trends to come back around. Like, why do kids not wear chamois shirts anymore? Couple that with a braided WBLM 106 belt and bell-bottom corduroys and you’ve got it going on, mister. Or how about stonewashed jeans, high-top sneakers and an Izod shirt? Denim coat with upraised collar and a feathered clip hanging from a pocket? Don’t forget to dangle a bandanna from your back pocket and wear tube socks pulled all the way up to your knees. All the cool kids are doing it. Stick with me. I’ll make you a star.

Dang paparazzi

A mean editor made me cover a meeting at City Hall in Lewiston the other night, which meant putting on long pants and sitting still for an hour or more. So, you can see how I suffer. To make matters worse, the TV news crews were there, too, and because of my seating location next to the podium, all their cameras were pointing in my direction. You have no idea how hard it is for someone with my weird energy to not only sit still but to keep the proper expression on his face; an expression that says, “I’m a professional and actively interested in the business being conducted here.” The compulsion to thumb my nose and make faces at the camera was so great, I had to bite down hard on my tongue to subdue it. Look for your friendly local reporter bleeding from his mouth on the rebroadcast!