CMMC bed thief

Some bold and possibly sleepy soul last weekend managed to steal a bed from outside the Lewiston hospital. For a time there was video of this dude’s mad sprint across downtown Lewiston and for the life of me, he looked like someone who has been driving hospital beds all of his life. I’m still investigating this matter but it’s possible we’ve uncovered a band of professional bed thieves so … You know. Lock up that fancy four-poster of yours at once.

I faced death and so can you

So, I was hiking at Bear Mountain in Turner when we started coming across bear tracks. Lots and lots of bear tracks, with each impression in the snow revealing hideously long claws used by the beasts for ripping and shredding. These tracks were all over the place, a sure indication that an army of bears were on the prowl and it would be a wonder if we made it to the peak without getting mauled. Those bear tracks made the hike more adventurous, no doubt. But when I showed photos of them to an animal expert later he practically ruptured his innards laughing over it. “Those are squirrel tracks,” he told me through his glee. “Front legs, back legs and the body in the middle.” It was further relayed that all the bears are sleeping off winter now, and thus are unlikely to leave tracks in the snow. As a result of this embarrassing misidentification, I shall surrender my coonskin cap forthwith and leave my head hung in shame.

A man’s right to change his mind

Also on the weekend, a fellow wrote me to rail at what he described as rampant problems at a specific Lewiston school. I wrote him back at once and promised to discuss this information with the newspaper’s education reporter. My finger was practically still on the “send” button when I got a reply from the man. “Please ignore my previous email,” he wrote. “I already regret sending it.” I haven’t seen a mind changed that quickly since that time I thought I might look good with a pencil mustache.

The law is the law

I just discovered, through a careful study of scholarly law sources, that it is illegal in Maine to tickle a woman under the chin with a feather duster. No, really. And like that, my weekend plans are shot.

But really …

I can’t lie to you. I actually heard about this law as a fluke while searching for something entirely unrelated. And since the law doesn’t say anything about tickling with a dust buster, I’d say my weekend is back on.