Jill Barkley Roy is a Maine Democrat and former advocate for victims and survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. 

As someone who spent nearly a decade working with survivors of domestic and sexual violence in Maine, I was sickened by the Reddit comments made by Democratic U.S. Senate candidate Graham Platner. He wrote:

“Rape is a real thing. If you’re so worried about it to buy Kevlar underwear you’d think you might not get blacked out f—-d up around people you aren’t comfortable with.”

This disgusting rhetoric tells survivors of rape and sexual assault that they are to blame because they drank too much, wore the wrong clothes or trusted the wrong person. As someone who has sat with survivors, and listened to the impact these acts of violence have on their lives, I can tell you that Platner’s words reopen old wounds that so many have fought hard to heal.

It perpetuates sexual violence by sending the message to survivors to stay silent. Imagine your child was assaulted or raped, would you want your U.S. senator telling them it was their fault and telling them to stay silent? 

Faced with the cruelty of his own comments, Platner waved them off as “stupid things,” even dismissing his comments as the work of a “retired shitposter,” as though misogyny were a youthful hobby he has since outgrown. That’s not growth or remorse. That’s deflection — and it reveals just how little he understands the harm that comments like this cause.

When he finally was forced to issue an apology, it wasn’t directed to survivors or to women — it was only “to those who were offended.” You see, it isn’t his abhorrent comments that are wrong, it’s someone else’s fault for being offended. 

Is this really the behavior we want out of a United States senator? If this is the most introspection he can muster, he is not ready to serve the people of Maine. 

If Platner truly believed these comments no longer reflected who he is, he would have said so long before launching a campaign for U.S. Senate. Maine House Speaker Ryan Fecteau was right to point out that Platner must have deleted these comments because they were a political liability. It’s unfortunate that Platner did not confront the harm his comments caused until it became a headline. 

True growth is not something that can simply be claimed in a video to protect your campaign. It must be demonstrated through action, humility and responsibility. In my years working with survivors, I’ve seen what real accountability looks like. It shows up not in words but in advocacy, outreach, volunteer work and a willingness to engage with survivors and learn.

I don’t say this because I believe people can’t change. I’ve seen people who once dismissed or minimized abuse become some of the strongest advocates for ending it. Platner’s record shows he hasn’t made that turn — and his non-apology apology shows he is just doubling down.

One in five Mainers will experience sexual assault in their lifetime. They deserve a senator who sees them, respects them and defends them — not one who mocked and blamed them. Unfortunately, Platner has shown that isn’t him — and he has a record of remarks that disrespect people he is ultimately asking to serve.

He made racist remarks about Black people “not tipping,” derided rural Mainers as “racist and stupid,” tried to cover up a tattoo featuring Nazi imagery and used slurs in online posts mocking LGBTQ+ people. Taken alone, each of these comments reveal poor judgment. Together, they tell a story of someone who struggles to see dignity in others, especially those whose lives look different from his own.

In Maine, we take pride in our values — decency, equality and community — and that they don’t disappear when no one is watching. In a recent social media post from his campaign, Platner told the people of Maine, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

Well, I am taking his advice. I have seen who Graham Platner is, and I believe him.