RIP Parabomba

You know how it goes. You take your car, truck or scooter to the auto shop to have a single thing fixed. When you drop it off, you say a silent prayer that while addressing that one thing, the mechanic doesn’t find 10 other money-sucking problems with your ride. In a far corner of your mind, you’re thinking about a worst-case scenario, but you won’t let yourself dwell on that thought lest it leave you quivering with dread. Well, my friends, I got that worst-case scenario at the very start of the week. My beloved Nissan Titan, street name Parabomba, wasn’t just suffering from a leaky pinion seal, the entire rear end is shot. Shot, I tell you! And so with great sadness and dreadful quivering, I announce the demise of a once great rig. Funeral services to be announced. Unless I somehow stumble upon a cheap rear end, in which case, withdraw those last rites and forget I said anything.

Drew Boysen

Since I wrote about this maverick Appalachian Trail hiker a week or so ago, a strange thing has happened. I have suddenly become Boysen’s proxy. Every time the dude fails to upload videos for a few days, people will write me to ask if he’s OK. They somehow assume that I’m riding along in the big man’s pack and chronicling his every move. Which, now that I think of it, would be a blast. I’d be like a baby kangaroo seeing the entire Appalachian Trail without lifting a foot. Or paw. Hoof? I dunno.

Where’d you get that jacket, son?

So, when police announced attempted break-ins at some local gun and pot stores last week, I couldn’t help but notice that one of the suspects in a surveillance photo is wearing a North Face puffer jacket. The balaclava that hides his face doesn’t look like a cheap one, either. Now that I’m all into hiking and whatnot, I fully understand how pricey North Face jackets are. North Face anything, really. And since the one seen in the photo is so distinctive, it would be my advice to the thief wearing it that he dump the coat at once. Do it now before it’s too late! Just let me know where you ditch it and I’ll come by and get rid of it for you. No charge.

I still want the jacket, though

There’s a very good chance that by the time this column runs, the aforementioned suspects will have been captured. Nothing about their fumbling break-in attempts screamed “criminal masterminds” to me, after all. And if that has happened, that beautiful North Face jacket will be in an evidence locker somewhere. In which case I would like to change my entire rant to “I recently lost a North Face puffer jacket and would like it back, please.” Lost a sweet balaclava, too. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Mark LaFlamme is an award-winning Sun Journal reporter and columnist. He’s covered the nighttime police beat since 1994, which is just grand because he doesn’t like getting out of bed before noon. He is the author of eight published novels and rides a dual sport motorcycle everywhere he goes. Unless it’s winter, in which case he just sulks a lot.