Ice Out!

It’s coming, brothers. The big Moment of Melt is upon us and I’m so excited, I may require a NeeDoh in each hand to calm down. Even though the melting of the last fragment of ice on a lake has no impact on me, personally, I still get shook every time that time of year approaches. This is probably just psychic residue from an earlier age when fiendish editors would send me out to Lake Auburn at ice-out each year and demand that I do A FULL REPORT on the phenomenon. Ah, there was nothing quite like bothering fishermen, boaters and feet-wetters with questions like “So, the ice is out. That’s cool right?” to make a guy feel like a gen-u-whine journalist. The problem was, I’d end up running into people who were simply parked next to the lake and back then, people who parked in that area weren’t specifically there for water sports, if you get my drift. And if you DON’T get my drift, just you never mind. I feel I’ve said too much already.

NeeDohs!

So, I’ll bet you were mighty impressed that I used “NeeDohs” in a perfectly valid sentence as though I know aaaall about this hot new trend in the world of squishy toys. Fact is, I heard the word for the first time only hours ago and I still don’t understand what the excitement is about. It’s more like “No-Idea-Ohs” for me, am I right? As it happens, NeeDohs are fidget toys that otherwise normal adults are ready to kill one another over because like most trends, they’ve started out in short supply. But I’m here to help. With nothing more than a bag of balloons and five pounds of mashed potatoes, I’ve created squishy toys that are every bit as good as the NeeDohs and I have plenty to go around. I shall call them the Spuddy Buddy, make millions and then blow this clambake for good.

The canal draining!

Waaaaay more exciting than ice-out to me is the draining of the Lewiston canals and man oh man, that time is coming, too. When the canals are drained, all the wonders of the world are revealed on its muddy bottom and it’s all free for the taking! Ancient TVs, quaint rocking chairs, a bed frame or two, dresser drawers, positively darling knickknacks, microwave ovens with missing doors, a submerged printer that just needs a good cleaning, silverware, dinnerware, a washing machine, a drying machine … Why, when I was new to the area, the only way I could furnish my apartment was to wait for the canal draining. But that’s probably not something I should admit in a public space so let’s just move on.

Free trash pickup!

And don’t even get me started on THIS seasonal ritual. When cities and towns offer free trash pickup, you just won’t BELIEVE the gems you’ll find at roadside. Ah, spring is just so full of wonders…

Mark LaFlamme is an award-winning Sun Journal reporter and columnist. He’s covered the nighttime police beat since 1994, which is just grand because he doesn’t like getting out of bed before noon. He is the author of eight published novels and rides a dual sport motorcycle everywhere he goes. Unless it’s winter, in which case he just sulks a lot.