It’s been said that men and women have trouble communicating, but if there is any gap in family communication, in most families it’s most pronounced between parent and child. Young children are just learning to use language (maybe even words) to communicate, while older children, teenagers in particular, are looking to separate from the family in order to establish their own identity. These are times when conversations are most critical, as children are beginning to make decisions on their own. Developing good communication with your children when they are young can pay dividends throughout their life.

Don’t be afraid to start conversations with your child. Many parents assume that by telling their children they are available to talk will allow their children to come forward to them with a problem. This is not always the case, however, particularly as kids grow older. They may be embarrassed or afraid of the way their parents will respond. If you begin this kind of initiation early, kids will get used to it and accept it as the way things are. If you wait until the teen years or when things start getting bad, you might be seen as intrusive and be shut out even further.

Respect your child and validate their feelings. Sometimes children can get worked up over the littlest of things. If parents are dismissive of their children’s feelings when small things are on the line, children are more likely to keep big problems hidden later on. If you don’t see a problem where your child does, explain to them where you are coming from. This will show the child you respect them even if you disagree with them. All people like to be respected.

Spending time together is probably the best way to foster communication. If you travel together-to Japan, the Grand Canyon or to the park-you’ll start to see each other in different ways. You will have to help one another out, building a level of trust that can be useful later. If you go out together from time to time and eat dinner together every night, you can start to establish basic communication. Shared movies or books can lead to discussions of important issues that might be facing your child. This basic communication will serve as the foundation for more important things later, like college, dating and what it means to grow into an adult.

Good communication between children and parents is essential for a healthy relationship. You have to understand one another to move the relationship forward. The main keys to establishing good communication are to start early, initiate conversations and build common ground you can use later on. Kids are looking for the same things parents are, healthy, happy relationships, and good communication can make that a lot easier for everyone.