I don’t know where to start.

A 16-year-old girl is raped by two high school boys at a “drunken” party in Steubenville, Ohio. Other students stood by recording the rape on their cell phones. That video was then widely distributed via the Internet, with resulting text message “chatter” about the assault.

The victim, who witnesses testified appeared too drunk to know what was happening, learned the details of the assault from those text messages and videos, along with everyone else who saw them.

The head coach of the football team and parents of other students may have known about the assault, but did not report it.

Following the trial, the victim has received death threats from people who say she ruined the lives of those young men who raped her. Media attention has focused on the distribution of the videos and raises the alarm about the dangers of posting such things on the Internet.

Really? Is that what that case is about?

There is so much to learn from that crime in Steubenville. The most important lesson is that parents, coaches, teachers, other community members, you and I, need to teach our children that IT IS NOT OK TO RAPE SOMEONE. It is never OK to engage in sexual acts with a person unless that person has given their free and informed consent, and is clearly, rationally, able to do so.

We need to teach children they can intervene when someone is in trouble. For so many reasons, they should intervene when another young person is drinking, or certainly when that person is obviously drunk.

They can intervene when they see a person being treated badly by another person. If a person is drunk and passed out, they can get help for that person, get them to a safe location and make sure they remain safe from harm.

And, if they see a person or persons sexually assaulting another person, the proper response is not to take out their cell phones and record the assault; the proper response is to stop the assault.

The right thing to do is to get between the assailants and the victim, and keep that victim safe from further harm. Then, the assault needs to be reported to an adult or to the police directly. The victim will need help, and the assailants could use some help as well.

Clearly, the students’ sharing of the video and the text messages about the assault should not have happened. That was a gross violation of privacy for the victim, who now goes to school every day wondering who has seen the naked pictures of her. Imagine the horror of that reality.

We must teach our children about the responsible use of text messages, video sharing and social media, and that they must not spread that kind of harmful material.

And then there is the victim blaming.

This victim has been threatened for bringing forward this assault and seeking justice. Other students are blaming her for “ruining the lives” of the defendants.

We must teach our children that people are accountable for their behavior and it is the person who does the hurting who should suffer the consequence, not the person who was hurt or the person who does the telling.

And we should not let our children shift responsibility for a rape to the victim of that rape. It was the choices and the actions of the defendants in this case that caused the harm and will affect their lives. And it is their choices and actions that will affect the life of the victim.

It is alarming that many adults, including those in positions of authority or influence at the school, knew about the rape and did not report it. A child was raped, and those mandated reporters should have done their jobs and reported the crime to the police. It is unconscionable that they did not.

I cannot sidestep the issue of “drunken” parties attended by teenagers. That should not have happened.

And although liquor does not cause sexual assault, it certainly can impair judgment and increase the perceived and actual vulnerability of people who are under the influence.

Parents need to be more vigilant about the activities of their teenagers and ensure that liquor is not part of their social interactions.

The only good that can come from this tragic incident is that we learn these lessons. Unfortunately, rape will continue to happen until we do.

Marty McIntyre is executive director of Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Services.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. For information, or for help, contact the Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Services at 784-5272 or www.sapars.org. Support is available 24 hours at 1-800-871-7741 or 1-888-458-5599 TTY.