You won’t let it happen again. Not. This. Year.

A political quip made in front of Uncle Joe.

The “dateless” observation made by a cousin.

Your mother’s insistence that if she’d been allowed to cook the turkey, it wouldn’t be so dry.

Your brother-in-law’s patting your tummy while asking who ate all of Santa’s cookies.

Nothing can wreak havoc on a holiday gathering like a few random button-pushing comments, especially among family.

The verbal blunders, the hurt feelings, the ensuing chaos can take days or months – yes, even years – to forgive (we know you’ll never forget). It’s enough to have you muttering “Bah! Humbug” long before you ring the bell on the party.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Just like eating your Aunt Agnes’ special tomato aspic, a little preparation, some perspective and a touch of humor can get you through even the thorniest family moments.

Avoiding the “conversational land mines” in the first place might be the easiest solution, according to Debra Fine, author of “The Fine Art of Small Talk.” Preparation is key, she said.

“Remind yourself what you already know.”

By taking a couple of minutes to review who will attend the event and what you know about them, you can find comfortable points of discussion, Fine said.

“These are ways to keep your foot out of your mouth.”

You can remedy deafening silences and awkward encounters with prep work, too.

If you’re new to a group or your family invited newcomers this holiday, prepare a few conversation starters.

Fine suggests something like: “Tell me what keeps you busy outside of work” or “What are your fondest holiday traditions or memories?”

Open-ended questions keep conversations flowing and eliminate the oh-so-enlightening “yups” and “nopes.”

If you’ve been out of touch with certain friends or relatives, keep questions general and avoid specific references to jobs or boyfriends or other potential lightning rods.

A question that seems neutral such as “How’s your job at Enron?” might lead to an uncomfortable disclosure and discussions better avoided during the holidays. Instead, Fine suggests something broader like, “Bring me up to date – what’s been going on with work since the last time I saw you?”

But what if you’re the one put on the spot?

“Just prepare yourself not to react emotionally or defensively,” Fine said. “If you can use humor, that’s the best.”

Then be a good guest and change the subject, she said.

This helps everyone. The spotlight shifts away from you, the conversation moves in a different (and hopefully less messy direction), and your hostess need not worry about cleaning up anything messier than the dishes.

One reason Fine thinks the holidays are ripe for blow-ups is people don’t think before they speak and revert to old family dynamics.

“With our family, we feel like there are no parameters, and we forget who we are now and revert to who we were,” Fine said.

Think the 45-year-old businessman who turns into the prankish clown or the older sister who bosses her grown siblings at every family gathering.

Perspective and diplomacy can help maintain harmony, according to Cindy Grosso, owner of the Charleston School of Protocol and Etiquette.

“You are there to celebrate, to have a good time with your family,” she said, so personal issues should take a back seat during the holidays.

Part of being a good guest is understanding “you are there because the host thought you had something to contribute to the event,” Grosso said.

That means be gracious to your host, and don’t start a fight or make others uncomfortable. If you have an issue, she said, leave it at home or don’t attend.

Biological factors also can loosen lips and raise the stress level of a family gathering according to Bob Phillips of West Columbia, S.C., a clinical psychologist.

Eating lots of sugar and carbohydrates kicks our brains into a “high-pitch state.”

“This causes people to be more sensitive and less likely to let things slide, let things go,” Phillips said.

A few glasses of wine or holiday toddies can complicate things and create a dangerous combination with lowered inhibitions, he said.

And don’t be surprised if someone who upset you in the past continues to behave in the same manner, he said.

“Take people as they are, and if you can’t do that, limit your time with them,” Phillips said.

And just in case you think you are the only one who struggles with small talk, research indicates five out of eight people are afraid to start a conversation with strangers, according to Fine.

We bet that statistic would be even higher if the stranger patted his tummy and asked about Santa’s cookies.

Holiday conversation land mines

Nothing says holiday fun like a good ol’ family blow-up brought on by a thoughtless comment. Keep things merry by avoiding these conversation land mines from author Debra Fine’s book “The Fine Art of Small Talk.”

-“Are you two ever going to get married?”

-“No, thanks. I gave up drinking after I saw the toll it took on you.”

-“When are you two going to make me a grandmother?”

-“Cool Whip is interesting. Did you ever think of serving the real stuff instead?”

-“Aren’t you full yet?” or “Why aren’t you eating anything?”

-“Yes, I know you’re a parent. But haven’t you ever thought about working?”

-“I see you still can’t be bothered with ironing a blouse.”

-“How is it that your son looks just like you and your daughter looks like she could be from a different family?”

-“Did you cook this yourself, or did you just thaw it out?”

Source: “The Fine Art of Small Talk,” published by Hyperion