DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a great guy, “Curtis,” for about a year, and I’m happy with everything about our relationship except for one thing. Curtis lives out of town. I live in the same town as his parents. He stays with me many weekends, and when he visits his parents and they ask where he is staying, he lies to them.

I understand that his folks are religious and that they wouldn’t approve of his staying over, but Curtis is 25 years old. At this point, shouldn’t he be able to choose what he wants to do?

My parents are also traditional in their beliefs, but I have made it clear to Curtis that I was raised to tell the truth, even if it means disappointing someone. His mom and dad have met me. They know this is an enduring relationship. I want him to feel comfortable telling them where he’s staying on weekends.

Should I stop worrying about this, or should Curtis be telling his parents the truth? I know he loves me, but I feel like his guilty secret. – CANADIAN READER

DEAR CANADIAN READER: While I agree that by age 25 Curtis should be man enough to level with his parents about whose pillow he’s hitting on weekends, I don’t think this is anything to obsess about. His folks may be religious, but they’re probably not naive – and this may be a “game” they have played for years.

Because they have met you and know you have an ongoing relationship, you are not Curtis’ guilty secret. The fact that he is sexually active is Curtis’ guilty secret, and I don’t think you should push him to reveal it until he feels ready.



DEAR ABBY: I have many out-of-town relatives who come in for the holidays every year. As our families have all grown, the group has gotten larger. I consider this to be a blessing, except for the fact that it makes hosting the holiday meals every year overwhelming. Additionally, over time it seems my visiting sisters do less and less to help me prepare and serve the meal and clean up afterward. And my brothers and brothers-in-law hardly help at all.

Each year I feel like my home is turned into a fast- food diner. Abby, I think they have forgotten how much work it takes to clean and prepare for such a large group. I know they have traveled far and paid for airfare, but they seem to think that entitles them to treat me like the owner of a hotel/restaurant who is here only to serve them.

Can you please remind your readers to show some appreciation to family members who host them year after year? I never get any thanks or flowers or offers of being taken out for dinner for hosting all of these relatives. Even if they can’t do that, help with cleaning and doing the dishes would go a long way. – POOPED IN ISSAQUAH, WASH.

DEAR POOPED: Have you never heard the saying, “The squeaky wheel gets the grease”? Please do not count on me to get the message out to your relatives – who, after all these years of being waited on, are probably under the impression that you enjoy “having the privilege.”

Before the out-of-towners arrive this year, begin communicating your feelings and enlist their help in shouldering the workload. Assign the chores to various relatives – including the brothers and brothers-in-law.

The alternative will be ordering takeout and using paper plates, and I don’t think that’s what anybody has in mind.



Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Good advice for everyone – teens to seniors – is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)