Q Everybody says that couples need to make time for each other and spend time together. Well, that sounds great, and it’s pretty easy to do in the beginning. But what about us who are married, have two jobs and kids? How are we ever going to spend any time together?

A: Many relationship experts say couples need to spend time together. One of the biggest causes of relationships ending is partners becoming strangers to each other. When you spend quality time together, you can avoid becoming strangers. When you feel understood by your partner and you understand your partner, it is one of the best feelings in the world. And when your kids see you spending time together, it helps them to feel secure and is a great model for how people can be together.

So, how does it happen?

Schedule and protect

Think about an appointment at work that you would not break unless you were dead or in the hospital. It is sad that we have to do it this way, but in our crazy, over-scheduled and fast paced world, it is just the reality of our lives. Whatever regular time together you schedule, protect it, protect it, protect it.

Make time every day

Too many couples act like they can go 50 weeks a year and then spend a week together and believe that will fix everything and last for a year. Carve out a small bit of time each day in which you just talk with each other and be together. One way to do this is have some kind of inspirational book that you read together and to each other each day. That’s five minutes that anyone can find and protect.

Whether it is weekly or monthly or somewhere in between, every couple needs a date night. Not only does it give you the opportunity to have fun, it gives you a regular time to count on. The benefit of this is really amazing.

Knowing that you will have a time to connect, have fun with, and share the events of your lives is a powerful thing to look forward to for a couple.

These changes won’t “just happen” because you read this article. These changes can happen when you decide to include them in your life no matter what.

You can also check out www.SecretsofGreatRelationships. com for more tips and tools for your relationships.

Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist. E-mail him at [email protected] or, for more tips and tools for living you can visit www.JeffHerringOnline.com.