DEAR ABBY: Why do I keep meeting married men? I need a single or widowed man. If they’re not married, they are too old! I am a wonderful widow. However, I am attracted to married men. Any remedies for me? Help! – THE WIDOW QUEEN IN N.Y.C.

DEAR WIDOW QUEEN: It might help if you stop identifying yourself as royalty. You didn’t mention your age, but if you are over 50, part of the problem may be that most men in your demographic are already coupled up, which narrows your field of available candidates. It is also possible that, for whatever reason, you are still not emotionally ready to give yourself completely to anyone, which is why you find unavailable men more attractive.

Some ways to widen your circle would be to join a singles group, become politically active, and/or venture onto the Internet and join some of the popular match-making sites where you can meet men who are eligible and looking for partners. Of course, that will mean learning current Internet dating etiquette and remembering what it was like when people used to meet in nightclubs. (As I recall, you couldn’t necessarily believe everything you were told then, either.) I personally know several couples who met on the Internet and are happily married. Good luck, and good hunting.



DEAR ABBY: In 2002, my brother “John” was arrested for sex crimes against his stepdaughters. He’s in prison until 2010 at the most. I have refused contact and have disowned him. John is now my parents’ son. The only thing I feel toward him is hate.

I am a survivor of molestation myself. My parents can’t understand my feelings. Mom is mad at the whole family because no one will take him in so he can be paroled. They live in Florida, and according to the prison review board, their address was denied by the state of Florida.

I have tried to make my mother realize that my feelings are mine. I don’t tell her not to love John, so she shouldn’t try to make me love him. He touched me inappropriately when we were young, but she wouldn’t believe me. I know I am right – or at least, I hope I am – and I respect your opinion enough that I need to hear you say “yea” or “nay.” Thank you. – PRESSURED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR PRESSURED: Do not allow your mother to lay blame or guilt at your feet. It doesn’t belong there. You are under no obligation to shelter the person who molested you as a child.

If your parents had believed you when you told them then, they might have gotten help for your brother while he was still young enough to receive it, and he wouldn’t have acted out against his stepdaughters. Because they didn’t, he is where he is today, and it’s where he belongs. You need me to tell you “yea”? Well, here it is: YEA!



DEAR ABBY: What do you say to someone who responds to an invitation with an endless recital of allergies, food and animal dislikes, physical problems, numerous needy relatives and their great lack of money? – SORE EAR ANYWHERE

DEAR SORE EAR: You say, “I’m sorry you can’t join us for the event. You’ll be missed.”



Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” To order, send a business-sized, self- addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby – Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)