DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have a friend, “Will,” who is 25. We’ve known him several years, and he has always been a very down-to-earth, pleasant, easygoing person. However, it has become apparent that Will is bipolar and is currently in the middle of an extreme manic episode that has lasted for about a month. He agreed to go to a doctor for evaluation, and was immediately put on lithium, which he is not taking regularly, if at all. He has refused further treatment.

While Will is not violent, he has had at least one car accident that probably gave him a concussion, and he has wandered aimlessly in the desert and city for days, barefoot in hot temperatures, which resulted in dehydration. Now he is getting worse. He thinks he is superhuman, and he’s hearing voices.

We feel he needs 24-hour companionship and support. Whenever he is left alone, Will runs away and disappears – although he eventually calls to be picked up. He has disappeared for up to a week at a time and has run away three times now. He has no sense of reality at this point. He thinks he has transcended to a new level of understanding and doesn’t want to lose his new “insight.” He also has personal issues with his parents, so he doesn’t want to stay with them.

We are no longer able to take Will into our home because the last time we did it ended badly, and it’s obvious he needs professional help that we are unable to provide. We’re afraid if he doesn’t get treatment, he will hurt himself. How can we help him? – JENNY IN SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR JENNY: I took your question to Paul Fink, M.D., a past president of the American Psychiatric Association. After I read him your e-mail, he agreed that your friend is out of control, and your concerns are valid.

Will should be taken to an emergency room. You should inform them that he is suicidal and describe his car accident and days spent wandering in the desert. In order to save his life, he needs to be admitted to a 24-hour facility and medicated until he is calm and rational enough for release.



DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man I’ll call “Alain” for 2½ years. Both of us have a problem with alcohol.

I entered AA and have been sober for nearly a year. Alain hasn’t entered AA, but (I thought) he hasn’t had a drink in three years and regularly (I thought) takes Antabuse as an incentive not to drink.

He recently admitted to me that he is not consistent with the Antabuse, and that on a “free” evening he will drink a bottle of wine, hiding this from me and his children, who are very much afraid of his drinking again.

My AA friends are divided on what to do next. Both my parents were alcoholics, so I’m afraid to be with someone who isn’t in the program. What do you recommend? – NEEDS ADVICE IN VERMONT

DEAR NEEDS ADVICE: Follow your instincts. Because both of your parents were alcoholics, you know what that kind of marriage is like. Alain may be a “wonderful man,” but he is neither honest nor committed to sobriety. Therefore, if you’re looking for a lifetime partner, you need to look for someone who is also in the program.

To put it another way, there’s a price to be paid for the choices we make. In this case, Alain’s choice has been to continue drinking – and it has cost him YOU.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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