How do you react, respond and deal with setbacks, frustration and disappointment? Does it cause you to feel depressed? Do you simply acknowledge it and move on? Does your reaction or response vary depending on the situation? Or, do you respond similarly in every situation?
Thinking about these questions and your responses could help you find areas where you might need better coping skills for handling major setbacks. That was true for me. My actions were sometimes disproportionate to the situation. I would overreact.
Here are some ideas and suggestions for dealing with situations, people and events that disrupt us.
• Ask yourself what is actually going on here? Is this a major or minor event? Is there any danger? Are my core values involved? What is at stake or risk? Accurately assessing the situation is the first, critical step in developing an effective response.
• Who are the main players in what has happened? Who does this affect the most? Decide how seriously you should approach the situation?
• How do you feel about the event, person or situation? Do not deny your feelings. Do not indulge them either. If the situation has depressed you, figure out why. Sometimes, as in the loss of a job or death of someone important, the cause is easy to find. Other times, you will know you feel something, but are not sure what or why. This is when it is a good idea to take time alone or with a trusted friend or advisor and talk it out. Really look at what has happened. Be honest about how it has affected you.
• Decide what you plan to do about the situation. What are your options? Who can help you? What can you do for yourself? What information do you need to make a final response decision? Develop a plan; make it as detailed as necessary to resolve the situation.
• Act. This sometimes includes doing nothing at all. Follow the action plan you developed. Step by step, work through the plan for growing past the setback or disappointment. Recognize, that not all your plans will go smoothly. When they don’t, deal with that setback using these suggestions and ideas.
The next time you feel down or frustrated, remember the saying “you get what you get. And don’t be upset.” Then handle whatever challenge you face.
Tim O’Brien writes continuing-education courses and presents seminars on stress management.
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