“There you go again, jumping to success with your optimism,” a friend once told me. I am guilty as charged. I do see the silver lining in life. It often has shades of gold and a hint of platinum too. This friend is not the only person I have disturbed with my solution-oriented approach to life.
In defense of myself, I declare I am a pragmatic optimist. I do not agree that “every day, in every way, everything gets better and better.” That is an ostrich-like, head-in-the-sand denial of the cyclical nature of Life. There certainly are challenging, disappointing, sad and frustrating times. However, do those events require us to be pessimistic? Do they require that we abdicate our choice, chance and ability to turn such situations to our long-term advantage?
Dr. Martin Seligman in his book “Learned Optimism,” suggested that we become practical optimists: people who recognize the negatives of Life and choose to use optimism as their habituated state whenever possible. In computer terms, like our regular opening page on the Internet, optimism would be our default attitude and approach. It is our starting position. It is where we return quickly after a setback. It is the filter through which we screen our experiences.
The benefits of practical or pragmatic optimism are: more enjoyment of Life, more friends and possibly a longer life. Be honest. Aren’t realistic optimists more fun to be around than pessimists? Some might argue, like my friend, that optimists are not realistic. They color or cloud their perceptions to only see the good and the positive. Aren’t pessimists those who color or cloud their perceptions to only see the negative?
Here are several suggestions to help you increase your optimism quotient.
• Watch your internal dialogue. Observe the constant subvocal discussion you continually have with yourself. Is that dialogue positive, supportive, objective and realistic? Or is it condemning, belittling and negative? This is a major area to work on.
• Read inspirational and motivational material.
• Feel worthy of a positive, fulfilling life and accept it.
• Be happy for the success of others.
• Have reasonable expectations. Don’t set yourself up for failure by setting goals unrealistically high.
• Learn from failures and setbacks. Anyone who tries will sometimes fail. We cannot control the experiences we have. We can control our responses to them.
Tim O’Brien writes continuing-education courses and presents seminars on stress management.
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