DEAR ABBY: I am a teenage girl with an obese mother. She doesn’t exercise much. She started going to the gym about a month ago, but since has stopped. She’s what you’d call a habitual snacker. At night she’ll finish eating one unhealthy food and then begin eating another. (She often eats more than 1,500 calories in one of her nightly “snacks.”)

To make matters worse, she eats in front of the TV and makes me fetch her food rather than walking to the kitchen herself. When I try to talk to her about her bad habits, she gets defensive and angry. I want her to lose weight and am willing to help her. How can I confront my mom about her problem? – HUNGRY FOR HELP IN NORFOLK, VA.

DEAR HUNGRY FOR HELP: You are a caring and concerned daughter, and for that you deserve to be praised. However, no one can “help” your mother until she’s willing to admit she has a problem. The behavior you described isn’t “evening snacking”; it’s bingeing. Until she’s ready to confront what is eating HER, she will not stop trying to fill the emptiness inside with food.

Rather than confronting your mother yourself, enlist the help of a close friend or family member. If your mother agrees, her next step should be to check the phone book for the listing of the nearest chapter of Overeaters Anonymous. They charge no dues or fees, and no membership lists are kept. There is no shaming, no weighing in and no embarrassment. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop eating compulsively. When your mother attends a meeting, she’ll be welcomed with open arms into a fellowship of compassionate women and men who all share her problem.

There are more than 8,000 Overeaters Anonymous groups worldwide and chapters in almost every city. However, if your mother has difficulty locating one, help her by visiting www.overeatersanonymous.org or sending a long, self-addressed, stamped envelope to OA World Service Office, P.O. Box 44020, Rio Rancho, NM 87174-4020.



DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a friend, “Jon,” who told us he wanted to open a nonprofit Christian center, and my husband donated $1,000 to help out. About a month later, Jon decided he couldn’t handle it and bailed out. The business never opened.

I say Jon should pay my husband back the money. Jon says he used it on a mission run for someone we don’t know, for vehicle repairs, and to reimburse some of his own losses.

I am being made out to be the “bad guy” here. This is twice that it has happened to my husband. Am I right about this? If I’m wrong, I’ll drop it. – FURIOUS IN WELLINGTON, COLO.

DEAR FURIOUS: I don’t blame you for being furious. Perhaps you should inform “Jon” that if he doesn’t return the money, you will inform the fraud unit of your local police department. There is more to setting up a nonprofit than holding out your hand and saying you’re starting one; legal steps must be taken that appear to have been “overlooked.” So stick to your guns, and if it means the end of the “friendship,” you won’t have lost much.



DEAR ABBY: Some of my family and I were invited to a 50th anniversary party. On the invitation it requests “no gifts.” We were wondering, does that include cards with the gift of money or even a card at all? – WONDERING IN DAVENPORT, IOWA

DEAR WONDERING: “No gifts” on an invitation means that your presence at the celebration is enough of a gift. It does not mean that you should give money – although a donation to their favorite charity in their name might be a nice gesture. And if you would like to give the happy couple a card, it’s acceptable but not mandatory.



Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Good advice for everyone – teens to seniors – is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)