Once I was asked to donate a recipe for an online anthology. The publishers said any recipe. I wrote down what I had for lunch that day and sent it in. It was published to my surprise. This recipe is for all men on any given Saturday when they are alone.

Sandwiches a la Ed

1. Get three jumbo eggs, or extra large, or large eggs out of the refrigerator. Place these in small pan, fill pan halfway with water from the tap and set on gas (or electric) burner to boil at medium heat. When boiling, crack lid to prevent water bubbling over.

2. Take stock of ingredients in refrigerator.

Leftover chicken. Leftover baked beans. Leftover meatloaf made with cream of mushrooms. Leftover chop suey (no onions, big chunks of hamburger). Cooked hot dogs on the edge of spoiling. Leftover brown (gray?) gravy.

3. Take stock of preparation ingredients available. Ketchup. Mustard. Mayonnaise (or Miracle Whip). Hot dog relish. Peanut butter (creamy). Jar of raspberry jam from last fall’s visit to sister. Margarine.

4. Spices: salt, pepper, onion, salt.

5. Bread: Sliced whole wheat or oatmeal, or white if one is a heathen. Biscuits not recommended.

Assemble all on kitchen table. After eggs have boiled for just over four minutes, which means the yoke should be nice and moist (experiment with this), remove eggshells. Put naked eggs into large plastic bowl and mash thoroughly with table fork and a good-sized hunk of margarine.

Cut up leftover chicken and add to bowl. Throw in leftover baked beans for body. Shovel in leftover meatloaf with cream of mushroom for more body. Sprinkle in leftover chop suey (no onions, bits of hamburger) for variety. Include chopped up hot dogs (maybe two, three if one is hungry). Liberally pour in colored gravy for fluidity.

Take a huge noncorrosive metal spoon and mix ingredients in bowl. Then add spoonfuls of mayonnaise for texture, hot dog relish for heartburn and ketchup to ease passage down the esophagus tube. Spice this up with salt (a lot) and pepper and onion salt. Stir this quickly to prevent bubbling. Finished.

Reminder: Any debris on the kitchen floor, the cat will get.

Then take two slices of bread (do not toast if one wants to skip putting in dentures), lubricate one slice with peanut butter and mustard (mustard will cut down on the heart-clogging tendencies of peanut butter), and the other slice with raspberry jam.

Dish out mixture of plastic bowl onto bread slices. Eat. Wash down with a glass of either 1 or 2 percent milk. Remember, whole milk is fattening.

This is referred to by your humble scribe as Hot Sandwich a la Ed. If the egg has cooled, then it’s Cold Sandwich a la Ed.

Anything leftover, well, tomorrow is another day….

Edward M. Turner is a freelance writer living in Biddeford who has published stories, essays and poems. His novel, “Rogues Together,” won the 2002 Eppies Award for best in action/adventure.