Fashion arrest

There’s a photo gone viral on the Internet of a woman whose attire happens to match the hotel hallway in which she’s standing. The last I looked, the photo had been viewed over 3 million times. How is it that this lady is an overnight celebrity, whereas every time I post a photo in a hotel hallway, I’m no longer allowed to stay there?

Dog on a hot tin woof

In Auburn, firefighters rescued a dog that had crawled out onto a roof. In protest, cats everywhere were chasing mailmen, defiling fire hydrants and humping people’s legs.

High-voltage

It was pointed out to me, repeatedly and for a solid week, that in a recent Talk of the Town, I lamented that the “truck in my battery” had died. You think this was a misstatement, but it was not. I have a really complex electrical system going on over here. It’s all very scientific. You wouldn’t understand.

Low-voltage

OK, I lied. It was a simple misstatement. My shame is great.

Heads will roll

Gov. LePage suggests that we bring back the guillotine to punish drug dealers. I guess he’s just trying to stay ahead of the problem. I appreciate the heads-up on this matter, but it seems like maintaining and operating old-school guillotines would just be a pain in the neck. (All of this sounded funnier in my head.)

Thank you, kind sir

The greatest praise I have received in many, many years came along Thursday night when Peter Geiger, a man I admire to the moon and back, described my writing as “high-quality irreverence.” He then referred to me as “a hoot.” I’m pretty sure I’ll never do better than that, so I can go ahead and retire happy.

Thank God I didn’t need to change a light bulb

Before I get to that, though, I will mention that at the same event, I had a chance to capture some candid photos of broadcaster Tom Caron fiddling with his World Series ring. But could I get the flash on the Sun Journal-issued camera to work? Nossir, I could not. Neither could a group of local educators, a newspaper publisher or Mr. Caron himself. We finally solved the problem by tracking down a kid to fix the camera, but by then, the moment was lost. I really should just stick with artist renderings.