My home, I have just discovered, is haunted by a phantom and several vampires.

There are also a few wall warts, a miser and right now, it seems, an exorcist.

Sounds like a macabre place, doesn’t it? I’m sure you just decided you won’t drop in to say hello after all.

I confess that I am the exorcist myself, sifting through the rooms to rid myself of these loathsome creatures. And since I’m a miser, too, there’s a little gleam of gold in my eye as I cast out the evil beings. I expect to save some money.

The phantom is what is known as a “phantom load” on my electrical draw. In other words, if I turn off all the appliances in the entire house and go out and stand by my meter, it’s still going to be whirling around, pumping up the electrical bill.

It’s the vampires and the wall leeches that are doing it.

And they’re all over the place.

Take the DVD player and the stereo (and the TV and the VCR.) If you can turn it on with a remote, you are paying for a power draw to keep it in that “instant on” state. Even though you think it’s off, it’s drawing power.

Then there are things like microwaves, some coffeemakers with digital clocks, or any digital clock, which are constantly and forever using up electricity. (You can run a battery-powered wall clock for a whole year on one AA battery – far cheaper than using your electrical supply.)

Wall warts? Those are the little black boxes that plug into the wall and lead to things like laptops, cordless phones, and even electric toothbrushes and razors that are constantly left in their chargers. Those wall warts are usually warm, because they draw energy that is converted to heat and wasted.

According Cornell University, the average home has about 20 vampires and pays some $200 annually in additional costs to keep them going. On a national scale, the same source suggests that we are using the equivalent of seven power plants just to feed the vampires. Did I hear someone say, “global warming?”

Of course, you’d have to walk all the way over to the TV to turn it on before you sat down in your favorite chair if you gave up this convenience (the remote will work perfectly fine to change channels or mute the commercials just as usual once it’s on, of course.) But your TV likely draws more total power during the hours it is off on a given day than it does while you are watching it.

So how do you exorcise these devils?

First, turn out the lights and walk around the house in the dark. Anything with a button that glows is drawing power. Then unplug wall warts, including MP3 players and cell phone chargers unless you are actually charging the devices. Make a list of devices that give you that “instant on” satisfaction. Unplug anything you use infrequently until the next time you use it. TVs and stereos and other appliances can be plugged into a power strip (which you can raise to a convenient height) and switched on and off as needed. (Try to buy a power strip without its own LED “power on” light.)

For my part, I’ve done that and also gotten out the old battery-powered clock to replace the electric one in the kitchen. For the time being, I’m keeping my cordless phone, and there are some things I just can’t do anything about, like that wall plug in the bathroom that keeps me from being electrocuted and glows with a little red dot on the reset button at all hours.

For all that it’s been a successful exorcism. I’ve slowed that electric meter significantly. Not only have I rid myself of some vampires, but I’m also feeling a little smug about it.