The Patriots are 5-1 in AFC Championship games.

1986

Patriots 31, Dolphins 14

at Miami

This was in the olden days when the Dolphins were actually good, and Dan Marino wasn’t spending his salary on Nutrisystem.

The Patriots won all three AFC playoff games on the road, which came in handy for the drug users on the team to score out of town.

1997

Patriots 20, Jacksonville 6

at Foxboro

The Pats win and secure travel plans for the Super Dome in New Orleans. Meanwhile, Bill Parcells is securing moving plans to New York and developing a new depth chart for the Jets.

2002

Patriots 24, Steelers 17

at Pittsburgh

Drew Bledsoe comes off the bench to replace an injured Tom Brady. Bledsoe throws a key touchdown pass late in the first half and attempts by the Steelers to obtain Moe Lewis for the second half fail.

2004

Patriots 24, Colts 14

at Foxboro

The Colts claim the Patriots play too rough. They cry, quit and go home. Indy whines to the NFL and now has a restraining order against all New England defensive backs.

2005

Patriots 41, Steelers 27

at Pittsburgh

Troy Brown makes catches. He returns punts. He plays defensive back. He kicks field goals. He carries the water. He ties the lineman’s shoelaces. He helps the trainer wrap ankles. He conducts the postgame press conference. He helps scribes write their game stories. He flys the team home by jet. He makes the travel arrangements for the Super Bowl.

With the completion of every task, he repeatedly shouts “Bingo, I got Bingo!”

2007

Colts 38, Patriots 24

Peyton Manning you’ve just won the AFC Championship game, now what are you going to do?

“I’m going to film 15 TV commercials’, he says, ” then I’m going to crank call Mike Vanderjagt.”