Manning vs. Brady (pant, pant, pant).

That’s supposed to sum up tonight’s midseason clash between the Colts and the Patriots. The QB with the endorsements vs. the better-looking QB with the rings. Stats vs. substance. Chamberlain vs. Russell.

We’re supposed to ignore the logistics of football, which tell us that Brady vs. Manning is about as close to Chamberlain vs. Russell as Kramer vs. Kramer.

What Manning does tonight is virtually irrelevant to what Brady does, and vice versa. If Manning helps the Colts put up a lot of points quickly, or if Brady helps the Patriots jump out to an early lead, then that means the other guy will have to throw a little more, but that’s about it. They can’t sack one another. They can’t pick off each other’s passes. About all they can do is stick their tongues out at each other from across the field.

Unfortunately, the pregame hype will carry over into the game. Instead of analyzing how the Colts have game-planned for Brady and New England’s running game or how the Patriots have decided to defend Manning and his receivers, John Madden will tell us over and over again how cool Brady is and how he reminds him of Joe Montana. Re: Manning, you can bet he’ll say something to the effect of “You know, people say ‘Peyton Manning’s this or Peyton Manning’s that, he can’t win the big game.’ All I know is, Peyton Manning could play for me anytime.” Since Madden was 1-6 in AFL/AFC championship games when he was coaching the Raiders, one might wonder if Peyton Manning actually did play for him at one time.

So since there’s a good chance tonight’s telecast will turn into a Frank Caliendo sketch, let’s get down to the real nitty-gritty, shall we? On what will this latest “Game of the Century” hinge? Who or what will be the determining factor?

Adam Vinatieri.

Sorry, just a little joke there, Pats fans. Didn’t mean to give you a jolt. If the game comes down to Adam Vinatieri, the Patriots are scuh-roood. We all know it.

No, the game is going to come down to another New England stalwart, one who hasn’t gotten nearly as much credit or attention as Vinatieri over the years, but has been just as critical to its success. Someone even the tightwads at the top of the organization knew they couldn’t afford to make available to the highest bidder –

Richard Seymour.

The big defensive end/tackle hybrid will be the key. History has shown that Bill Belichick likes to blitz Manning about as often as he likes to tell a knock-knock joke to the press. So Seymour will determine how much time Manning has to throw, which in turn will decide whether the Patriots’ secondary can afford to play Indy’s receivers aggressively at the line or whether they’ll have to give them a 10-15 yard cushion like the Broncos did last week.

Seymour doesn’t even have to get a sack. If he can collapse the pocket from the inside or outside, the Colts will have to keep in an extra blocker, a tight end or running back, to help out on him. It’s a common tactic opponents use against the All-Pro, and it’s a big reason why he never puts up the big sack numbers of a Dwight Freeney or a Michael Strahan. It’s also the reason why guys like Jarvis Green and Tully Banta-Cain were smothering Minnesota’s quarterbacks last week.

The “Big Sey” will have a major role in defending the run, too. If the Colts figure they need two or even three guys to block him to take him out, then that will free up New England’s linebackers to get after the ball-carrier. If the linebackers aren’t getting quick cracks at Joseph Addai or Dominic Rhodes, then the Pats might have to roll up their safeties and pull their corners off the line because they won’t have much help downfield when Manning goes play-action and looks to throw deep.

I know it’s hard not to watch the ball all the time, especially since Manning can be quite entertaining to watch in the pocket. But if you really want to know how the game’s going, look for No. 93, and look at what the Colts are doing to try to neutralize him.

It’s not a coincidence that the Colts finally broke their Gillette jinx last year, when Seymour was out of the lineup with a knee injury. He is banged up again, this time with an injured elbow, but it was less of a nuisance to him last week than he was to Minnesota.

Sorry to all the casual football fans if I got a little too technical, but the guy who gets paid the big bucks to do this stuff will spend more time talking about turducken tonight than what’s actually happening on the field.

Randy Whitehouse is a staff writer. He may be reached by e-mail at [email protected]