Now that we have a real lottery with a worthwhile jackpot instead of one of those pathetic $2 million Megabucks payoffs, we can dream big, really big.

This week’s winner gets $54 million ($30 million after taxes), meaning that when my lucky numbers are drawn, I can make rich athletes and owners even richer and still have enough money left over to give to people who actually deserve it.

So, after I stare down the 120 million to 1 odds and win the Powerball this week, here’s what I’ll do with my $29 million (I’m spending the first mil on more Powerball tickets):

– Send a telegram to Nomar saying “Thanks for everything, but it was time. Good Luck.”

– Pay John Henry to give Theo Epstein a noogie for not getting anywhere near fair value for Nomar.

– Buy Ricky Williams a lifetime supply of Doritos and a mallet, to hit himself over the head with 20 years from now when he realizes how foolish he was retiring from football, not because he didn’t want to end up crippled, not so he could spend more time with his family, not to seek enlightenment, but so he could burn millions of brain cells and give himself lung cancer without having to answer to his employer.

– Pay the $5,000 in fines slapped on Jason Varitek, Gabe Kapler, Trot Nixon, David Ortiz and Curt Schilling for their roles in the brawl with the Yankees.

– Regarding same, I’ll pay A-Rod’s $2,000 fine if he’ll just admit that the reason he got so upset was Varitek made fun of his hair.

– Pay tuition for Patriots first round pick and holdout tight end Ben Watson to enroll in an Economics 101 course, with special emphasis on supply and demand.

– Hire Abby Spector as my golf instructor. I don’t even play golf, but I’m sure I could learn a lot from someone with her guts and grace.

– Pay Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller to stay out of at least one movie comedy next year.

– Set up a trust fund for the families of all high school coaches, who have to spend too much time apart on too short a stipend to do a thankless job.

– Hire a promoter who will tell Mike Tyson the truth, that he’s done, been done for 10 years, and should begin searching in earnest for a rich widow to marry.

– Pay whatever it takes to ensure Bill Fairchild makes a full recovery from prostate cancer.

– Cover Randy Johnson’s attorney’s fees when he sues the Diamondbacks for non-support.

– Give Allen Iverson’s publicist a bonus for this super-patriot image makeover he’s undergone.

– Lure Tim McCarver, John Madden and Chris Berman into retirement.

– Hire somebody to kidnap Mariano Rivera.

– Bribe the Baseball Writers Association to put Luis Tiant in the Hall of Fame and keep Pete Rose out.

– Buy Ricky Craven some good luck charms.

– Build a new gym and football field for Lisbon High School.

– Buy Ben Affleck a satellite dish and MLB’s Extra Innings package so he’ll stay away from Fenway Park.

– Pay the salaries of all of the innocent people who will lose work due to the stubbornness of NHL players and owners.

– Throw a big party when the Pats make it three out of four in February.

– Subsidize an ad campaign on behalf of casino and racino supporters pointing out the hypocrisy of allowing Powerball into Maine.