One size does not fit all!

I, for one, am really glad that summer has arrived. So far, it’s been on the cool side and that’s fine with me. It is usually right about this time of the year that we start experiencing some darned hot and humid days. We’ve been pretty lucky so far.

I like the summer weather on the cooler side for a number of reasons. Low nighttime temperatures are much more comfortable for sleeping. I hate having a fan blowing on me all night and I know there are nights ahead when two fans will be necessary. But for now it’s quite pleasant and I do like that.

I also like the idea that one can work outside without dropping from heat exhaustion. Notice I said idea, because I haven’t actually spent a lot of time working outside, but if I wanted to I could do it without sweat running into my eyes and elsewhere.

The best thing about the cooler weather are the clothing options. I can still wear bulge-friendly clothing without being too hot. I favor slacks or jeans and long-sleeve, bulky tops to cover a multitude of bulges and flab. All too soon I will have to let a lot more hang out than I care to or suffer extreme discomfort.

There was a time when I wore cute little shorts and halter tops on hot summer days and looked pretty darn good. Of course, those were younger and slimmer days. Who the heck am I kidding; those were childhood days.

Though even in adulthood I could wear Bermuda shorts and a tank top and look OK. Even a bathing suit didn’t prove to be a total embarrassment. But that was a long time ago, and now with my ever-expanding shape, self-respect and social decency dictate that I keep myself covered.

I haven’t even owned a bathing suit in years and years. I had a brief lapse in reality a few weeks ago when I considered buying a bathing suit, thinking I might go swimming with the grandkids this summer. A trip to the department store slapped me back into reality in a hurry.

Have you seen what’s out there for bathing suits? What are they thinking? Surely the designers had no one weighing over 100 pounds in mind when they fashioned these little bits of material and called them swimwear.

I actually found one in my size, or at least according to the tag it was, but parts of me that it would not cover could get me arrested.

Some of the bathing suits, if they did come in my size and praise be that they don’t, I wouldn’t even be able to figure out how to put on. They seemed to be more like a contraption of straps with little pockets of material than bathing suits. And those little thong numbers, well, don’t they just give a whole new meaning to wedgie!

I can only imagine what a woman of the Victorian era would think if she could see the swimwear of 2009. I can only imagine what the men of that era would think. You know that old song, “In olden days a glimpse of stocking was looked upon as something shocking.” Let’s just say that there is a lot more to be glimpsed these days.

I wouldn’t care to revisit that period when women were treated as second-rate citizens, but after seeing the current bathing suit styles, the top-to-bottom coverage of the mid-1800s does have a certain amount of appeal for me.

The women did not wear bathing suits; they wore bathing dresses. They were neck-high, long-sleeve affairs that went down to mid-shin and weights were often sewn into the hems so they wouldn’t billow up in the water and reveal anything. A matching pair of bloomers down to the ankles were also required. Imagine what it was like to swim in those outfits. At least they concealed the bulges along with everything else.

It just so happens that I received two catalogs today. One was from a company that markets to mature, full-figured women and one that markets to a much younger and slimmer audience. The first catalog had a few bathing suits that were one piece and the basic style was OK, but the patterns were loud, garish floral prints. If I ever do wear a bathing suit again I certainly don’t want a giant, hot-pink hibiscus on my butt.

The other catalog had a number of slinky little bathing suits in both one-piece and two, but I think some of the one-piece suits had less material than a handkerchief. I suppose they would be fine on the Size 2 figure that was available, but what amazed me was that they were also available up to size 4X. The only thing that was more amazing was a two-piece bathing suit made of some miracle fiber that was one size fits all!

The way I see it, this won’t be the year that I buy a new bathing suit. If the weather stays cool, I won’t even have to think about it and if it gets so hot that I feel I need the relief, I can always drape myself with a sheet, weigh down the ends, put on a pair of bloomers and call it a swimming dress.