Way back in my younger days there was a popular song about “Who wrote the songs that made my baby fall in love with me?” Some years later Barry Manilow sang “I Write The Songs.” Well, he didn’t write all of them, but it’s not all that hard to find out who the author is on just about every piece of music. The name is always on the sheet music and usually on the album or CD covers. And there is always the Internet.

What I want to know, and is a lot harder to find out, is who writes the T-shirts and bumper stickers?

I am an avid reader of T-shirts and bumper stickers and it seems to me there is one or the other to cover just about everything. There are some very cute ones and some funny ones, of course there are a lot of political ones and many that are down right rude. And I have no idea who wrote any of them.

I don’t think it’s like the greeting card companies that have a department of writers who sit around coming up with sweet verses. It’s probably more like jokes; someone comes up with one and it gets passed on and the next thing you know there are several versions of the original joke and no one knows how it started.

I recently received a catalog full of great T-shirts and it just makes me wonder who dreamed them up.

There is no doubt that I could find an appropriate T-shirt for everyone in my family. For my 42-year-old son with the receding hairline I could get “Struggling Hair Farmer,” or “Baldylocks.” I’m not sure he would find the humor in those and would probably prefer “Still Plays With Motorcycles.”

For my husband I would really like to get him the T-shirt that says “Yes Dear” because this is the response I most often try to get from him. He, or the other hand, would probably prefer the one that says “Selective Listener” and he certainly is.

My daughter is a very energetic mother of two and has a job, but first thing in the morning is not her best time of the day. For her I might get the shirt that has “Instant Human, Just Add Coffee.” I think she takes after me because I think of coffee as my life support system. Maybe I should get her the shirt that says “You Can’t Scare Me, I Have Children.”

For my grandson Tristan, who considers ketchup a staple and puts it on everything including a turkey sandwich, I found the perfect T-shirt, “I Eat Three Servings Of Vegetables A Day Ketchup, Ketchup & Ketchup.” Isn’t that cute? Whoever came up with that one probably has a 12-year-old.

“Can We Declare A Snow Day?” will be a great shirt for Reese, my other 12-year-old grandson. He is not real keen on getting up in the morning, but if school is canceled due to snow he is out of bed in a flash and ready to build a snowman before the first light of day.

My youngest grandson, Elijah, thinks there is no place on earth better than Grandma’s house. He is still young enough to think that everything I say and do is the greatest; bless his heart. So, for him I think I will get the shirt that says “Grandma Rocks!” I might even get him the matching sweatshirt too. I can use the good press.

As I said, I have no idea who dreams these slogans up, but it seems like whoever it is knows me quite well. I think I could wear a different one of these T-shirts every day and still express my point of view exactly the way I want to.

In fact, there is a T-shirt in this catalog that states “Everyone Is Entitled To My Point Of View.” There is also “Deadlines Amuse Me,” which is perfect for me since my life in the newspaper industry is controlled by deadlines that I constantly miss. As a matter of fact, the only exercise I get is dodging deadlines – hey, that would make a great T-shirt!

Maybe instead of writing columns I should be writing T-shirts. Or, maybe I could write T-shirts, a column and bumper stickers too. After all, the way I see it, everyone is definitely entitled to “The Way I See It.”