DEAR ABBY: I am 23 and involved with a man who is younger than I am. When we started our relationship, he was awesome and very kind. Now, six months later, he has changed. He is always yelling at me and telling me what to do. When I do what he says, it’s still not right, or good enough.

After we were together for one month, we moved back to my home in New Mexico, and that’s when the problems started. At first, it was only name-calling. I have tried to break up with him, but he won’t let me. He keeps me awake, and won’t let me leave the room to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water until I agree to stay with him. He has even laid his hands on me at times.

He throws it in my face that he can’t leave because he has nowhere to go since we’re so far from his home. Abby, he’s the one who wanted to come here. I’m afraid of him. I’m convinced he will seriously hurt me sooner or later. – SCARED IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR SCARED: So am I, because his abuse is escalating. Pick up the phone and call the toll-free number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233. They will help you formulate an escape plan. Please do not wait – do it today.

DEAR ABBY: A couple of nights ago, my husband, “Irving,” and I went out to dinner with “Ray,” a friend of his who was visiting from out of town. This morning, I stumbled upon an instant message Irving had left open on his computer between himself and Ray. I couldn’t help but see the first sentence my hubby had written. He was commenting on the number of “hot, hot” women at the restaurant.

I know I shouldn’t have, but I went on to read the message. I couldn’t stop myself. It described one woman in particular whom he found attractive, a tall blonde two tables over, directly in his line of sight.

Abby, I was floored -shocked! Irving has always told me I’m the most beautiful woman in the world to him, but after reading his comments, I feel I’ve been lied to all along. I have no doubt that Irving has always been loving and faithful. But I’m upset and angry over this and wonder if I should say something or let it slide. Am I overreacting? Was this just man-talk and men being harmless? – MAD ANYHOW IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MAD ANYHOW: There’s an expression, “Boys will be boys,” but in this case it was men acting like boys. Do not get mad – just smile and say, “Irving, you left the window open and the cat is out of the bag.” That should be revenge enough.

DEAR ABBY: My husband’s cousin has a son, “Johnny,” who is almost 6. Whenever we see Johnny, he jumps all over my husband and hits him. We believe Johnny is too old for that kind of behavior. My husband and Johnny’s father repeatedly ask the boy to stop, but he usually pays no attention until he has been asked six or seven times. It has gotten to the point where we don’t want to be around Johnny. What would you do in a situation like this? – OUT OF IDEAS IN TACOMA

DEAR OUT OF IDEAS: Here is what I would do: avoid putting myself into situations where Johnny was present. And if my cousin asked why I didn’t visit anymore, I wouldn’t mince words in explaining the reason.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.