Last weekend, Shopping Siren met her friendly neighborhood firefighters. 

The full story is complicated, but suffice it to say that water dripping from an electricity-filled circuit-breaker box? That’s bad. Bad, and wrong.

Granted, it wasn’t my first brush with a fire hazard over the years. I’ve dealt with small grease fires and pet-chewed cords and, in one memorable situation, a severely malfunctioning microwave. The circuit-breaker box was, however, the one with the most potential to burn the house down around me while I slept.

Which got me thinking.

I should do more fire-proofing. I should have a better handle on fire hazards. I should be better prepared in case a fire does happen.

I should go shopping. 

And maybe get my friendly neighborhood firefighters a thank-you gift while I’m at it.

*Home Accents holiday battery-operated melted wax candle trio, The Home Depot, $17.98

Whoever doesn’t know that candles are a fire hazard, raise your hand. Now put down your hand, put out your candles and go get these battery-operated look-alikes. You’ll thank me later.

* Uniflame safety matches, 50 count, The Home Depot, $1.98

Not sure what makes these “safety matches,” precisely, and the box wasn’t helpful in that regard. I assume “safety” comes from the fact that these matches are super long, allowing fire starters to draw a flame without also causing them to burn their fingers, fling away the lit match and accidentally light the carpet on fire. Well, that would constitute safety.  

* Creosote Sweeping Log, The Home Depot, $14.95

Supposed to help prevent chimney fires by reducing the buildup of creosote. Step one: Place in your wood stove or fireplace. Step two: Burn. If you don’t have a chimney, don’t do any of that. 

* First Alert kitchen fire extinguisher, Aubuchon Hardware, $13.99 

Box shows a smiling woman cooking with this fire extinguisher right next to her. Fire extinguishers are wonderful and necessary, but if you need one present while cooking a grilled cheese sandwich, just go out to dinner.

* First Alert smoke and carbon monoxide detector, Aubuchon Hardware, $52.99

High-tech talking alarm tells you where the danger is and whether it’s smoke or carbon monoxide. Also lets you shut off nuisance alarms with a remote control. Hey, it beats waving a dish towel in front of it.

* First Alert fire rescue ladder, Aubuchon Hardware, $41.99

The kind of ladder you pitch out the window as an impromptu fire escape, it comes fully assembled and ready to use. Which is good in an emergency ladder.

* Celebrations 50-bulb LED Christmas lights, Petro’s Ace Hardware, $7.99 

Just like water in a circuit-breaker box is bad and wrong, so are frayed electric lights on a Christmas tree. These new little LED bulbs run cool and save energy, everything you could want for Christmas. (Except maybe a pony.)

* Ideal tree stand, Petro’s Ace Hardware, $19.99 

Stand holds more than a gallon of water. Because dry Christmas trees are kindling waiting to happen.

* Sentry fire safe, Lowe’s, $108

“One hour fire protection” the box says. So just make sure any house fire is shorter than that and your valuables will be fine. 

* LintEater dryer vent cleaning system, Lowe’s, $36.82

I’ve always heard that dryer lint is a major fire hazard. Cleaning it out would seem to be a good thing.

* Holiday Living 9-foot, forest-fir Christmas tree, Lowe’s, $188

Fake tree that looks so straight-from-the-forest real that it even comes adorned with little pine cones. However, no drooping branches, dry needles or any need to water. It may be love. 

Best find: First Alert Tundra fire extinguisher aerosol spray, Aubuchon Hardware, $14.99

Point. Spray. It’s that easy. Just don’t confuse this aerosol can with bug spray.

Think twice: Light duty extension cord, Lowe’s, $1.14

Six-foot cord for light duty use indoor only, so don’t plug into an outdoor socket and use it to run your National Lampoon-like Christmas light display.  Or you too might be meeting your friendly neighborhood firefighters.

Shopping Siren’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who believe rolling in snow makes them fire retardant) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at [email protected].