Is a walk-in tub right for you? Ever since this poser landed in my email box, I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind. Is it? Is a walk-in tub right for me? Any guidance you can give me on this matter would be appreciated. For the birds Thousands of you (give […]
Mark LaFlamme
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Mark LaFlamme, The Franklin Journal
Street Talk: Why I’m not having eggs for breakfast
For this week’s column, it would be helpful if you’d hum the “Jaws” theme while I relate this riveting story. You could hum the theme from “To Sir, With Love” if you’d rather, but it wouldn’t make sense. Starting now. It’s late Friday afternoon on Lisbon Street. I’m standing with Animal Control Dude Wendell Strout […]
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Talk of the town: Summer is almost over and your kids hate you
It’s practically winter It’s August. Time to go into late summer panic mode, my friends. All those things you’ve put off since June, you now must try to cram into one frantic, potentially fatal weekend. Force your kids to have fun, Griswold style, even if it makes them cry. My suggestions below. 6 a.m. Old […]
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Let’s go out to the kitchen and slather on some bug spray
So, it’s the most crucial scene in the movie. The scene where the voice over the phone tells the pretty teenager that those calls are coming from inside the house. The pretty teen reacts to this news by slowly dropping the phone and going wide-eyed while sinister music goes “WEET WEET WEET!” to let you […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: Gourd-bellied codpieces and other vermin
Dear Abby A very nice woman writes me whenever somebody at the paper neglects to run the Dear Abby column in its usual spot. She’s polite and all, but the implied threats are there. Bring back Dear Abby, punk, or I shall snatch you bald and kick you in your soft spots. Since I have […]
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Mark LaFlamme, The Franklin Journal
Street Talk: The mind wanders as educationers prattle on
So, I’m sitting in the Auburn Council Chamber of Doom and listening to the chatter from the neatly arranged group at the front of the room. Educationers, I think they call them. Or Superintenderlings. These are the men and women who decide what goes on in our schools, and my editors tell me that’s important. […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: Your disgusting metaphor here
He was never seen again We heard over the scanner around mid-week that someone had head butted a construction worker somewhere in Lewiston. Seems like a bad idea for a couple different reasons. One, construction workers typically spend six days a week carrying cinder blocks under one arm and using jackhammers to pick their teeth. […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: A night at the campground. What could possibly go wrong?
It’s mid-July and I smell like a beast. I’ve got bugs in my hair, marshmallow on my face and God knows WHAT that is stuck to my foot. I forgot to pack my deodorant and I dropped my toothbrush in a patch of poison ivy. My sleeping bag hasn’t been washed since … well, ever, […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the Town: Thank you for going braless
Funny sights in the aisle At my request, a whole bunch of you weighed in with your personal experiences at big-box and super stores. Which just confused me because I’d completely forgotten I’d asked for these anecdotes. One of you fired off a note about kids peeing (or worse) in display toilets. Another offered an […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: Being candid about going commando
Such a card Could I be more excited? I really don’t think so. I mean, it’s big news. Life-changing news. Since Shaw’s in Lewiston is under new ownership, we no longer need to produce those blasted orange cards that always hide way down deep inside your wallet so you can’t get the sale prices. No […]