I won’t lie to you. I’ve watched far too many apocalyptic documentaries on the History Channel in recent weeks. If you were to sneak up behind me right now and pop a balloon, I’d jump all the way to the ceiling and then cling like a cartoon cat to the light fixture, every hair on […]
Mark LaFlamme
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Talk of the town
Sock blocked! On Wednesday, a complaint from a mail carrier as heard over the police scanner: “He’s trying to deliver the mail but there’s a sock blocking the way.” I have no comment to make about this. I really just wanted to use “sock blocked” in a subhead. Twelve days and counting Here’s your friendly […]
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Street Talk: I’m rich! Probably. (But who needs it?)
Good morning, commoners. I come to you today wearing a glorious Armani robe, drinking Cristal through a straw fashioned out of a rolled $100 bill. Or is it $1,000? Who cares, really? I’m just going to use it for kindling, anyway. While you’re eating that egg-like substance and rushing to get ready for work, I’m […]
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Talk of the town
You celebrate your way, I’ll celebrate mine The dispute over holiday greetings has become madness. People will get offended if you say Merry Christmas. Others will get offended if you do not. Why, just the other day I was in a department store and the clerk who addressed me altered his greeting so it barely […]
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Street Talk: Parking fines no longer a ticket to hide
You could see the strain around the man’s eyes. He was standing at the window in the police station lobby, frowning over a stack of papers and listening to the clerk tell him what was what. “That’s a lot of tickets,” she said. “If an officer happens to run your plate, these tickets are going […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town
Giant Garfield invades Lewiston, turns trick According to the police scanner, a caller complained about the situation at Bartlett and Walnut streets in Lewiston by advising a dispatcher: “It looks like the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade with all the hookers out there.” There’s nothing I can say that will make that line any better. Survivorman […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the Town
CIA/FBI/LOL So, how are you enjoying that sex scandal? By all accounts, David “Happy Pants” Petraeus made the classic mistake of hooking up with an unstable, possessive shrew of a woman and the result was predictable. It happens, am I right guys? Guys? Anyway, it’s a good thing this happened in the nation’s capital instead […]
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Street Talk: I’d give you a penny for your thoughts
Some of you older folks might remember a time when I’d occasionally write entire columns about the fact that I had no idea whatsoever what to write about. It’s hard to believe now. As a writer, you mature. You learn to work your way out of slumps and dry spells. When I recall those columns, […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town
Hard time I received, in the mail, a nice letter from a man wondering about the price of our weekly TV Preview guide: “I am sorry to bother you over this particular matter,” he wrote, “but I was wondering if you can tell me if the price of the Preview Guide went up and if […]
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Street Talk: I love rock ‘n’ roll and presidential elections
Good morning. Today is Wednesday, the day after Election Day, and I’d like to join you in your bitterness/relief/self-righteous indignation. I can’t believe that liberal do-gooder/right wing idiot managed to pull off a win after such glaring inability to revitalize the economy/bonehead remarks about women and the middle class. Obviously Ohio/Florida/Butte, Mont., was the key […]