Bare attack! On Thursday, Aug. 31 at 6 p.m. sharp, a young lady mooned me while I was riding by on Walnut Street, near the corner at Bartlett. Actually, I’m pretty sure she was mooning somebody else, but I want to believe she was thinking of me while she did it. Vaporized It’s been a […]
Mark LaFlamme
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: You've got to fight! For your right! To pay-per-view.
Not many people know this, because of a shameful lack of media coverage, but on Saturday, a professional boxer named Floyd Mayweather Jr. squared off against mixed martial artist stud Conor McGregor in a fight that had been foretold in ancient prophecy. It was billed as “The Biggest Fight in Combat Sports History,” and in […]
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Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: Nursing your eclipse hangover
Elite Eclipse Viewer 6000 So, I’m afraid I cannot give a positive review to the cardboard box, pinhole brand of eclipse viewer. I tried one of these to view the Mega Awesome Once in a Lifetime Eclipse of 2017 and the results were disappointing. In fairness, I probably should have taken the doughnuts out of […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Eclipse 2017: Weird scenes inside the shoebox
Not many people know this, because it hardly got any media attention at all, but on Monday, the moon passed between the earth and sun, causing what we semi-professional astronomers call a “solar eclipse.” There was virtually no hype for this event, which likely caused common laypeople like yourselves to miss it entirely. Fear not, […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: Have you been drinking?
How DARE you! So “merger” has become the local buzzword that is so emotionally charged it’s guaranteed to rile people no matter what the context or location. See a happy family enjoying a picnic in the city park? Just mutter “merger” and watch the fireworks. Ol’ dad, bouncing a kid on his knee just moments […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: A vague mass of unhappy plankton
The other night I was downtown where a group of about 60 kids were said to be attacking people “Children of the Corn” style near the corner of Birch and Knox. It was crazy, yo. According to the notes I scribbled at the scene, “a gargantuan toothache was roiling in the east while unhappy plankton […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: You're not the only one with mixed emojis
To hair is human Nate Poulin, arrested on charges stemming from an alleged rent scam, may be the most despised man in Lewiston-Auburn right now, but did you see his mug shot? His hair is GLORIOUS! We’re talking Michael Landon-level locks here. Wisdom Teeth Removed There’s a sign that advertises this in big, bold letters […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Spitting lobster into my napkin
My shame is great. All I wanted to do was turn my attention to the ear of corn on my plate. Butter it, salt it, chew it up from one end to another like a dog biting at fleas. Is that so wrong? I mulled the chunk of pinkish flesh floating in its little bowl […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: Yoinked!
Can I be frank? So Ward’s Neighborhood Market in Lewiston takes its backpack policy very seriously. I got shooed away from the deli Tuesday because I happened to be wearing one and, do you know what happened? By the time I got it all sorted out and returned to the deli, some scoundrel had bought […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Hit me with your best shot, yo
Boy. If I had a nickel for every person who has asked for my thoughts on the Pat Benatar concert last week, you know what I’d have? I wouldn’t have a nickel, that’s for sure. Nobody gives a hang about my penetrating thoughts on Benatar, but I’m going to tell you anyway, and do you […]