When I was a boy, each day was a date with death. By today’s standards, anyway. We used to climb trees like monkeys, and sometimes we’d fall out of them. Falling out of trees was half the fun of climbing them. It was also how we verified, once and for all, that gravity was real. […]
Street talk
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Street Talk: What you do in the morning says a lot about me
I’m not one to brag. But this morning I had a cup of coffee in my hand, ready to drink, in less than a minute after I rolled out of bed. Fifty-two seconds, to be precise, shattering the old record of one minute flat. I truly don’t like to brag, but … In your face! […]
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Street Talk: 13 years of bad hallucinations
Lord, I’m old. I made this discovery, not through some complex mathematical computation, but through a giant heap of old Street Talk columns recently unearthed from the deepest snow caves of Tibet. Or from somebody’s basement — it’s all very hazy. The fact is that I found these old columns — most of which I […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: I just want to buy Vienna sausages and live my life
Good morning, ladies and gentlepersons. Today I’m writing from the checkout line at a popular local grocery store — or possibly a pet store or hardware joint — for the very first time. I’m writing from this cramped and crowded space because my column is due and no matter how I beg or plead, I […]
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Street Talk: Has anybody seen my car?
All I had to do was meet the dude in a crowded parking lot for a perfectly-legal-as-far-as-you-know exchange of cash for goods. Easy as falling off a park bench. You’re in, you’re out. Everyone’s happy. “I’ll be driving a brownish Nissan Rogue,” I told this fellow I knew only as Craig S. List. I pulled […]
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Street Talk: The winter of jungle cats and wet feet (or something)
In an Evernote notebook dated Jan. 14 lies a truncated mutant of a column which rants on about the feeble nature of winter to that point. “Hardly any snow!” the archaic column raves. “Why, it’s practically spring already!” The column was never finished and I think you know why. Winter came, winter saw — and […]
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Street Talk: Valentine’s Day Survival Tips for the Romantically Stupid
It’s nearing the middle of frigid February yet the flop sweat of panic soaks your flesh. You’ve been dating a fine lass for six weeks now and, according to the rules of romance, you owe her a Valentine’s Day gift. And not just any Valentine’s gift; it has to be something that sets you apart […]
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Street Talk: A sneak peek inside my drawers
The excitement was unreal. When I was first hired by the Sun Journal back in the olden days of 1994, I went on an extravagant shopping spree. You know: high tech stuff. A Rolodex with colored tabs separating the letters for easy scrolling. A notebook divided into not two, not three, but FOUR sections, so […]
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Street Talk: A Man’s Guide to Hobby Lobby
You didn’t have to look at the man very long to see that he was unhappy. He stood leaning against the bricks just outside the main doors, smoking angrily and shaking his head in disgust at regular intervals. Every time someone walked out of the store, he shot a baleful glance in that direction, hoping […]
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Street Talk: Hop on, I’ll race you to New Year’s Day
You know how I feel about you, right? We argue from time to time, and there are days when you just want to punch me in the snout and throw me into the Androscoggin — but you know I love you, right? Right? I do. And that’s why I’m hoping with all of my heart […]