Concerning cards, I may not always “know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em,” as Kenny Rogers once crooned, but I still have my clothing and my car.

Yet I don’t know what to make of our military’s current card game. As most everyone now knows, as events unfolded during the war in Iraq it came to light that the coalition’s Central Command had issued soldiers special decks of playing cards. Each card depicts a separate evildoer in need of capture.

I took a few moments to download the deck from Central Command’s Web site at www.centcom.mil. (By the way, this is the same deck of cards that relentless spammers keep trying to peddle over the Internet, even though they are actually free to anyone, excluding taxes.)

Most U.S. military men and women are poker savvy – in my mind it seems to go with the territory, anyway. So what are they to make of this card game? I mean war game? I mean war card game?

Is the military strategy to get all the cards, like in the card game “War,” which some of the younger military may gravitate to? Or collect the best hand for Military Whist, sought by the more seasoned soldiers? Or do you try to get the best poker hand?

“What’s the deal?” so to speak.

The nine figures captured so far are the:

• queen of spades • queen of diamonds

• nine of clubs • eight of diamonds

• eight of spades • seven of hearts

• six of hearts • four of clubs • four of hearts

Being a poker player, I’d ante up and start looking for the best hand.

Given who we have captured so far, it gives us two pair (either queens, eights or fours) and the possibility of catching a low inside straight. This hand isn’t bad, but it’s a good time to take stock of the choices that lie ahead.

Coalition forces have given top priority to catching Saddam Hussein. He is the ace of spades in the military’s deck – giving new meaning to the phrase “ace in the hole,” depending on his current situation.

Although an ace of any sort is very good, given the cards we have he doesn’t help us nearly as much as Kamal Mustafa Abdallah Sultan Al-Tikriti (queen of clubs) or Barzan Abd Al-Ghafur Sulayman Majid Al-Tikriti (queen of hearts). Either of these Al-Tikritis would give us a full house, queens over eights – a very good hand.

We could do almost as well with Muhammad Zimam Abd Al-Razzaq Al-Sadun or Yahya Abdallah Al-Ubaydi, the four of spades and the four of diamonds, respectively. Capturing either gives us a full house, albeit a weaker one, and they are also probably a lot easier to find, being lower in the deck.

The eight of spades, Tariq Aziz, was captured Thursday. He adds to the hand by giving us a pair of eights, but his real value may lie in the potential for a bluff. He is very famous, after all.

Perhaps the most intriguing card out there is the five of hearts, a certain Huda Salih Mahdi Ammash. She seems to be the only woman in the deck. Lady luck! Capturing her results in a four through nine straight!

I’m sure our soldiers on the scene have worked out many variations on Central Command’s ingenious scheme, and as the days unfold I look forward to seeing how their hand plays out, especially if they can manage that full house.

Yet I wonder, do the Syrians know anything about cards? A straight flush will always beat a full boat – especially in the desert.

Lindsey Durnbaugh is a Sun Journal marketing and promotional graphics artist.