DEAR ABBY: I am 23, enjoy a good job working for two lawyers, and plan to go back to school. I am also four months pregnant with “Kevin’s” baby. In the beginning, he promised he’d support me and the baby and help us every step of the way. Kevin even promised my mother he’d finally get a job.

Well, I constantly have to remind Kevin about the promises he made. He finally admitted that he doesn’t want to work ­- period. He plans to take side jobs here and there and make money under the table, and says I shouldn’t expect to change him. I asked him the other day why he promised he’d help me in the first place. His reply, “You put me on the spot.”

With this baby on the way, I need to set goals and move forward. Is there anything I can do to make Kevin understand that he HAS to get a real job? Or should I accept that I’ll be playing the parenthood role solo? – MOM-TO-BE IN PHOENIX

It is clear from your letter that unless he is compelled by law, Kevin is going to flake out on his responsibilities, and he will be a poor role model for your baby. You are working for two lawyers. I urge you to discuss with them your options for convincing Kevin to act like a man. They are familiar with Arizona law, and I’m sure they’ll be happy to help.

DEAR ABBY: What is an “emotional affair”? An office worker hinted to me that my husband is having one with a member of his staff. Does it lead to the ultimate affair? – NEEDS TO KNOW IN LAS VEGAS

An emotional affair is a relationship in which the two people have a special kinship. It is very intimate, and often a prelude to a sexual affair. It includes sharing confidences, marital problems, emotional support – and it’s time taken away from the spouse and family that rightfully should be spent with them.

For the sake of your marriage, find out why your husband has chosen to communicate on this level with someone other than you. Some sessions with a marriage counselor would be helpful for both of you. If he is unwilling to go, go without him.

DEAR ABBY: I am recently engaged and have started planning my wedding. The problem is, certain members of my family and my fiance’s family bring extra people to events. We both come from large families and can’t afford for each family member or friend of a family member to come to everything.

I have planned a breakfast and shopping day for a few female family members and close friends. Unfortunately, a few invitees are already trying to invite more people.

Is there a nice way to stop this from happening? Before planning anything, I worked very hard to decide whom I would like to attend, and why. I’m afraid if I don’t nip this in the bud it will snowball by the time of my wedding. How does one politely explain to people that they are not planning the event – they are guests? – CONCERNED IN THOUSAND OAKS, CALIF.

Be nonconfrontational and direct. Tell the offenders exactly what you have told me. Sometimes people do things without thinking them through, and the only antidote is to politely draw the line.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

To receive a collection of Abby’s most memorable – and most frequently requested – poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby – Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447.

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