CHICAGO – Here is what I know as our Windy City baseball teams blow town for a few days:

I know I was right that 24 hours later voices from Boston would tell us how lucky the Red Sox were to be rid of Nomar Garciaparra.

That he had worn out his welcome. That he was a bad influence.

That he was holding back the Red Sox with that attitude of his.

(Yeah, sure … just like it was so good for Boston when it got rid of that bad man, Babe Ruth.)

I know that if Chicago is serious about persuading Garciaparra to stay, somebody ought to seriously offer Mia Hamm a contract to play soccer for the Fire.

(Not only could she play with men, she’d be their best player.)

I know that with Todd Hollandsworth, Mark Grudzielanek and Garciaparra, the 2004 Cubs are about to establish a major-league record for “Autographs, Longest.”

(At the 2005 Cubs Convention, I figure these three and Gov. Blagojevich could autograph balls at a rate of, oh, at least 10 per hour.)

I know that if the Cubs can’t make the playoffs with the team they have now, wow, that would be a new low, even for them.

(Of course, imagine what Houston Astros fans must think.)

I know that a number of people who toe-tagged the Cubs, pronouncing them dead a few weeks ago, must be squirming today. Maybe just a little?

(Kind of like those baseball experts who back in March pronounced the Atlanta Braves dead, eh?)

I know that if the New York Yankees really did throw in $3 million along with Jose Contreras for Esteban Loaiza, if I were the White Sox, I would make that deal in a New York minute.

(Who was running that New York organization on trade-deadline day, Donald Trump’s apprentice?)

I know that if one more person on TV mentions “the fantastic job Ozzie Guillen is doing with this White Sox team,” I am going to scream.

(Jerry Manuel’s team was 50-50 last year after 100 games. Guillen’s team was 52-48. Wow, he has really turned the Sox around!)

I know a lot of Sox watchers have been gloating about how that traitor Bartolo Colon is having a bad year, but in case you haven’t noticed, no Sox pitcher this year has more victories than the 10 Colon has now.

(He was the American League’s co-leader in victories for July and won again Sunday.)

I know people whine about the Sox’s bullpen, apparently because Shingo Takatsu does not throw 100 m.p.h. But I have two words for these people: Hoyt Wilhelm.

(And by the way, Bruce Sutter did not throw hard, and Eric Gagne’s best pitch is a changeup.)

I know that if you had predicted in April that by August the Cardinals would be 30 games over .500 and the Diamondbacks 41 under, I would have asked if you and a certain Miami Dolphins running back had gone out together for a smoke.

(And promise you were joking that the Devil Rays would have only two fewer victories than the Marlins.)

I know that if the Dodgers believe the best way to improve a club is to change owners and immediately trade Mike Piazza or Paul Lo Duca, they must think great catchers grow on trees.

(OK, maybe Yogi Berra did, but most don’t.)

I know that if Greg Maddux doesn’t get his 300th victory for a while, he won’t complain and he won’t blame an umpire, as Cubs pitchers have been known to do.

(Just as long as he isn’t still looking for it when the Atlanta Braves come to Wrigley Field from Oct. 1-3, OK?)

I know that the last 11 games of the season for the Sox are against Detroit and Kansas City, so don’t write off the Sox’s season yet.

(Not that I’m convinced yet they can beat Detroit.)

I know that Tribune reader Anthony Fernandez owes me an apology for Saturday’s “Other Views” letter, the one that said I owe Toronto’s Carlos Delgado an apology. At no time did I call Delgado “the stupidest Blue Jay in history.” On the contrary, I supported Delgado’s right to call the Iraq conflict “the stupidest war in history,” just as I said others were free to call him the stupidest Blue Jay in history.

(I’ll look forward to his next letter to my “ultraconservative newspaper” for Mr. Fernandez’s ultraliberal apology.)

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(c) 2004, Chicago Tribune.

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AP-NY-08-02-04 1959EDT