Have you ever felt you were a captive of your cell phone, e-mail or instant messages? If you have, welcome to a very large club. There are probably a few in your family, office or social groups.

Okay, I’ve hit a nerve.

What do we do now to regain control? How do we put technology in its rightful place as a support tool, and not the ruler of our lives?

We play a game, where only those who will not try lose. And, those who play along can have fun, regain control and gain some personal insight. Here is how you play this different type of game:

• List all the technologies you regularly use: pagers, FAX machines, cell phones, multiple lines, voice mail, email, instant messaging. Please add whatever you like to this list.

• Next to each entry place a U, if you feel your use is out of control. The device uses you instead of you using the device. An example of this would be checking email more than three times per day. Now, place a C, if you know beyond a doubt you are in control with this device. You only use it on your terms with no compulsion to use it more often. And, you experience no separation anxiety, if you do not have access to the device, for a day or two. An example of this would be the ability to leave your cell phone turned off until you want to use it. Or, no anxiety about leaving your cell phone home for your weekend camping trip. If there is a device or two that you alternatively share control with, place a plus/minus next to it. An example of this would be a love/hate relationship with voicemail or email. Some days you can check it every three or four hours during the day and none during the evening. Other days you can’t go 20 minutes without checking in. Each of these examples allows for the unexpected or for emergency use and situations.

• Pick one of your worst, problem devices and ask yourself if you actually want to regain control. If you would, begin by stretching out the intervals between uses. As an example, if your problem device is your cell phone, practice turning it off. Simply turn it off in the middle of the day for five or ten minutes. If you can’t, admit you have a problem and seriously, seek help to regain control. If five or ten minutes feel okay, stretch out the intervals until you can go hours or even days without using it.

• Go through the same procedure for each of the U entries on your techno list. Your reactions and rationalizations will give you insight into your true level of control and feelings about each device.

Tim O’Brien writes continuing-education courses and presents seminars on stress management.